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Hellraiser: Revelations Trailer: Seriously, Get Back In The F*cking Box

By TK Burton | Trailers | August 23, 2011 |

By TK Burton | Trailers | August 23, 2011 |

Holy balls, people.

Look here: I loves me the original Hellraiser movie. It’s a sharp, nasty, dark, twisted little slice of horror, directed by Clive Barker and adapted from his own short story, The Hellbound Heart. I’ll give Hellbound: Hellraiser II a pass, because it’s got some fun dialogue and it’s just goofy 80’s silliness. Things start to go to shit from there though, and the six successive films (totaling eight — eight!) all range from bad to abominable (and yes, before you call bullshit, yes I have seen all of them). OK fine, I actually kind of like Bloodline, but it’s still not good.

And now we have the ninth entry, Hellraiser: Revelations. It’s a disaster of a film, a project that the Weinsteins rushed into production to avoid losing the rights to the franchise. They’re apparently developing a remake/reboot, but they couldn’t get their asses in gear fast enough, so instead they’re inflicting this shitpile on us. It’s also the first film to not feature iconic horror actor Doug Bradley as the infamous Pinhead, which is strike a million, frankly — especially since Bradley turned them down. The man has been in seven absolutely terrible entries in the franchise and he tells them to go screw? That bodes extremely fucking poorly.

And now there’s the trailer. It looks like it was created by drunken 12 year-olds. It actually looks worse than Hellraiser: Hellworld, the pathetic entry that tried to cash in on the MMORPG craze. That bad.

Fuck it, watch the trailer anyway.

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TK Burton is the Editorial Director. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.