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Rob Zombie H2 Movie.jpg

Serial Killer Mistakes: #43

By Dustin Rowles | Trailers | June 22, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Trailers | June 22, 2009 |

Here’s a question for you: Say you’re a serial killer whose specialty is killing teenagers. And due to a history of near death experiences and their accompanying injuries, you’re not a very fast-moving serial killer. You also wear a mask, which doesn’t exactly help your peripheral vision. Anyway: You’ve got your sights on a half-dressed coed standing in front of a vanity in her bathroom. You quietly worked your way inside the house, and you managed to surreptitiously sneak up behind the coed. She’s yours for the kill. All you have to do is pull out that machete and add her head to the trophy box.

So, here’s the $25,000 question: Why do you wait until she closes the bathroom mirror and espies you behind her to lunge after her? Is it really incumbent upon you, as a serial killer, to follow horror movie tropes for the sake of a decent scare? Is the trade-off really worth it, if she takes off running you’ve got to lurch around the house with that bum knee of yours?

Here’s a piece of advice, Mr. Serial Killer man. Next time, rare back with that machete, and as soon as you see her closing the vanity mirror, take a swing. That way, you not only get the startling appearance of your own face in the mirror, but also that of her head flying through the air.

Anwyway, here’s the new trailer for Halloween II. It has been completed Rob Zombie’d out. Besides the title, there’s really very little left of the original’s spirit. Bah.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.