Look, folks. When the first long trailer for Green Lantern came out last month, I might have said some things that I regret. About the types of people who might be interested in a movie that looks like the one being advertised. I shouldn’t have taken my disappointment out with the geeks. It was uncalled for. From now on, I will restrict my comments about Green Lantern marketing to Green Lantern and not the people excited about seeing it.
Which brings us to the second Green Lantern trailer, and good news, folks! Either it’s only half as dumb as the previous one, or I’ve lost half of my intelligence since April. The truth is, I just don’t like the way it looks. It looks like a live-action CGI-hybrid, which I suppose it is technically. But it looks like a cartoon. Actually, it looks Ace Ventura’s Mask turned superhero. Kilowog’s voice? It just doesn’t suit the character. And even with only glimpses of some of the alien characters, it looks like one of those talking animal movies where the voice doesn’t sync with the lips, like they just gave Kilowog some peanut butter and dubbed a voice over his mouth moving. Like Mr. Ed.
I will say this for the trailer: Peter Sarsgaard’s Hector Hammond looks like the meanest motherfucking 70’s porn star on the planet. He looks like Ron Jeremy with Macrocephaly. And the screen shot above? What’s up with that? It looks like the Riddler in green. I don’t buy Ryan Reynolds as a superhero. I’m sorry. I think the guy is great. And beard-y Reynolds could be a great super-villian, but he just doesn’t have the weight to carry off a superhero roles. He’s the kind of guy that, no matter what he says or how he says it, there feels like there’s a note of sarcasm in what he’s saying. That doesn’t work for earnest superheroes.
Mostly, though: It looks like someone just puked neon green all over the screen.
Honestly, I’m not trying to be an asshole about this. Even if the script works out, and Ryan Reynolds pulls through, I just don’t think that — visually — it looks like it will hold up, which is probably why they devoted another $9 million in special effects to the film a month before its release. I will hang on to a shred of optimism that it looks better on the big screen, but I have my doubts.