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Conan The Barbarian Trailer: Contemplate This On The Tree Of Woe

By TK Burton | Trailers | March 15, 2011 |

By TK Burton | Trailers | March 15, 2011 |

OK, so I’ll admit it. I’ve given the upcoming remake of Conan The Barbarian a not-too-healthy ration of shit over the past year. I’ve ragged on star Jason Momoa despite never having seen him act, I’ve mocked director Marcus Nispel, and Lord knows I’ve taken some pretty cynical shots at the writing staff. There’s a fine line between reporting and opining, and I, perhaps unfairly, left that line in the dust several months ago.

Now we’ve got the first trailer, and I’m here to tell you… I’m pretty sure I’m fucking right. This looks horrendous.

“I live. I love. I slay. And I am content.”

Holy shit, really? And will he have an expression other than “petulant sneer?” Someone needs to Zoolanderify this motherfucker. I’m not even going to get into the even-worse-that-usual trailer voice, since it doesn’t really have any bearing on the film.

Still, this is just a teaser, with little actual footage. So maybe it’ll…


This is most decidedly not what is best in life.

TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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