Christopher John “Topher” Grace, what what WHAT are you doing in this film? (Or in that header picture for that matter…really, is THAT the doucheface you think is appropriate when a nice, young, follicularly blessed female drapes herself across you? Also, button your shirt.) Listen, folks, Topher really ought to be more famous than he is. I know it. You know it. Even Ashton Kutcher knows it. The kid (am I allowed to call them kids when they’re older than I am?) can carry off a really appealing mix of earnestness and snarkasm that only occasionally veers off into Smarm City (see photo above). I’m not saying he can act, though his small role in Traffic was, in my opinion, pretty great. That movie about synergy was pretty boring, but I think we can all feel comfortable pinning the blame entirely on Ryan Reynolds’ ex-wife (that one was for you, boss).
The kid (it feels right, I’m sticking with it) hasn’t had as much fame as I think he deserves, and it bothers me that he’s the third most-known actor to come out of That 70’s Show (fourth if you count the sexploits of Wilmer Valderrama, which I would prefer not to). But if something is going to revitalize his career, it’s not this tripe. Take Me Home Tonight stars Grace as an aimless MIT grad who lies about his prospects in order to win the heart of fair maiden (a blandly pretty Teresa Palmer, whom I thought was a blond Kristen Stewart for the entirety of the trailer). Anna Faris (loved by Pajibans) and Dan Fogler (reviled by Pajibans and ping-pong enthusiasts the world over) accompany Grace in that tried and true formula of The Movie That Takes Place Mostly In One Night, Usually There’s a Party, Also Some Hijinkery. That’s a formula that can either work very well (Superbad, Can’t Hardly Wait, Sixteen Candles) or, not (I Love You, Beth Cooper…what a sh*tshow). I’m going to put this firmly in the “not” category. Grace is great, but Ethan Embry he is not. Written by Jackie Filgo, longtime producer and writer for That 70’s show (ok, fine, that explains Grace’s involvement), the movie looks a little too heavy on the hijinkery and light on the, well, substance. Oh, also, it’s an 80’s period movie, which means there’s some neon, Topher’s blazer sleeves are rolled and they get to use an Eddie Money song in the trailer.
This film was shot in 2007 and a delay of this length cannot possibly bode well. Remember Fanboys? No? I rest my case. There are several reasons why a film might be delayed for four years but my pet theory is that three years is the amount of time the producers gave us to forget this Topher vehicle from 2007.
But you didn’t forget, did you? Me neither. And I won’t be seeing this movie…probably…possibly…I really like that Eddie Money song, you guys