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"Burn her anyway!"

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trailers | December 22, 2010 |

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Trailers | December 22, 2010 |

Sean Bean, swords and a decent budget really shouldn’t look as meh as this trailer. Black Death is set during the wee titular epidemic that killed a third of Europe back before they had developed germ theory, microscopes, and Old Spice to properly deal with people constantly dropping dead. But as the trailer points out, there’s a certain village that seems to be completely immune to the effects of the plague, and so Sean Bean sets out with his sword in order to figure out what their secret is. The trailer then helpfully informs us that they’re doing very bad things in the village and it looks like they’re sacrificing people to the devil or some such in order to gain protection from the plague.

Of course, outside the village, entire villages are dying, so I’d love to overhear that conversation:

Boromir: “God really doesn’t like human sacrifice.”

Evil Villager: “But then we don’t die.”

Boromir: “But some of you do.”

Evil Villager: “What happens if we do it God’s way?”

Boromir: “Well, then if one person in the village gets sick, everyone is probably going to die.”

Evil Villager: “But isn’t some of us dying better than all of us dying? Do you know anything about math?”

Boromir: “It’s the 14th century and I carry a sword, what do you think?”

Am I the only one who involuntarily started screaming “The bees, not the bees!” as they strung Bean up at the end of that trailer? In any case, I think the best thing that they could possibly do would be to have a twist in there in which we find out that the villagers are staying healthy because of something like washing their hands. And then there can be the second twist when Boromir massacres them all anyway. The Middle Ages! Because enlightenment is for those poncy Italians!

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Steven Lloyd Wilson is the sci-fi and history editor. You can email him here or follow him on Twitter.