First up is Joseph Gordon-Levitt’s Don Jon. JGL directed and stars as Jon Martello, a New Jersey wad who like banging chicks and being generally horny. Enter Scarlett Johansson’s Barbara to change his outlook on life and women.

I’m going to Marry this one. JGL, WUT!

Now entering the arena is the concert film/scripted film Metallica Through The Never. Dane DeHaan plays a roadie for Metallica that is sent on a mission for the band during their sold out concert. DeHaan’s character has his life flipped up, turned upside down and blah blah blah. Nimrod Antal wrote and directed this possibly unholy movie hybrid.

I am banging this one. Then getting tested for various STDs and rabies.

Last of all, Kevin James, Chris Rock, David Spade, Salma Hayek, Maria Bello, Maya Rudolph, Nick Swardson, Taylor Lautner, and Patrick Schwarzenegger in Grown Ups 2. You know this one is getting falcon punched.

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Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.