Apparently, the sci-fi trend for this year will be sinister goings-on involving the Apollo missions. Who knew that they were so fraught with danger and menace. But it’s true — this year, the greatest danger to the human race will come from… the moon! DUN DUN DUNNNN! And it’s not just Nazis on the moon, like we’ll eventually see in Iron Sky.
First, we have the sort-of original idea of Apollo 18. The idea is that while all of us thought that Apollo 17 was the last voyage to the moon… we were wrong!
DUN DUN DUNNNNNN!
No, seriously. There was an 18th Apollo mission and shit got all kinds of fucked up on it. It’s yet another “found footage” film, made for a buck and a quarter (OK, $5 million, but still not much by modern sci-fi standards) and starring a bunch of lesser-known actors. Watch:
I gotta say, for the first 60 seconds, they totally had me. And then the trailer shit the bed completely by showing way too much. The problem is, especially for an unknown film of this particular genre, is that you should be trying to make the audience curious. I was curious for the first minute, until the trailer revealed it to be a gratuitous Alien knock-off. And even if it’s not an Alien knock-off, that’s how it’s being marketed and so now that’s the label you’re stuck with. Way to go, geniuses.
Next in terror from the moon trailers, the new spot for Michael Bay’s explosion extravaganza Transformers: Dark Of The Moon, where we learn that the transformers have actually been in our galaxy for some time now, having found evidence of them… on the moon!
DUN DUN DU — oh, fuck it.
This is basically the exact opposite of Apollo 18, because the truth is that Michael Bay movies are made to be good trailers. Trailers for Bay flicks always look entertaining, because they’re full of quick cuts and explosions and pretty girls. His movies are just 90 minute trailers, essentially. Transformers: Dark Of The Moon is no different. There’s some cool looking stuff here — cars transforming partially to have roof-mounted cannons, invasion over the city footage, Rosie Huntington-Whitely looking scared and sweaty (pretty much the default setting for all actors in these movies). It’s pretty car-intensive, this one, unsurprisingly since it premiered during the Daytona 500. Don’t ask me who won, because I’d rather kick myself in the balls that have that information available.
Anyway, it’s only 30 seconds long — give it a whirl:
Fun fact: Did you know that Ms. Huntington-Whitely is currently dating The Statham? Which therefore asks a more important question: Why isn’t The Statham in this instead of Sheye-Uh LaBoof?
God only knows, kiddies.