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We Really Hope This A Real Movie And Not An Elaborate Prank

By Kristy Puchko | Trailers | September 15, 2017 |

By Kristy Puchko | Trailers | September 15, 2017 |

This summer, director Ridley Scott mystified and polarized audiences with Alien: Covenant. But love it or loathe it, the Alien sequel where robo-Michael Fassbender talks about fingering and makes out with himself may not be the weirdest thing Scott is offering this year. Yesterday he caught much of the blogosphere off guard when he released a trailer for his next effort, All The Money In the World.

It’s best we say nothing more. Just watch the trailer cold.

The slick nostalgic soundtrack. The stealthy aerial shots and weighty close-ups bolstering a moody monologue about the super-duper wealthy. It feels like a real movie, and then inexplicably begins to slip into the feel of parody. Michelle Williams in an uncomfortable accent asks, “Is this some kind of joke?” And it’s like she’s reading our mind. Then Mark Wahlberg shows up in a grizzled detective role, and I keep waiting for Jimmy Kimmel or James Corden to pop out and caper, because what is this casting? Is this a late-night TV gag? The trailer feels so earnest, so oddly ludicrous, it’s only missing a punchline. And then:

Look, two minutes ago I didn’t even realize J. Paul Getty was a real guy. (I am apparently that poor.) So why do we need to pile on prosthetics to doughify Kevin Spacey’s face. WHAT IS THIS MOVIE?

I realize this isn’t the craziest trailer we’ve shown you. It has no farting corpse jetski, nor mysterious bandaged mommy, nor the abject insanity of Book of Henry. But part of what makes this movie, this trailer so bizarre and so implausible is not only how it’s pushing at the edges of looking like a hoax, and that it is a Ridley Scott movie starring one Oscar-winner and two Oscar-nominees due out in the thick of Oscar season and NO ONE HAD HEARD OF IT.

Except our own Rebecca Pahle of course.

She tweeted this just a couple of days before the trailer mysteriously appeared. So, real question: Does Rebecca have a weird sixth sense about bonkers/bad movies that inevitably draws her to them? (Cough cough Charlie Sheen 9/11 drama cough cough) Or is she a genius troll with incredible connections she keeps secret from even us Overlords? Discuss in comments.

All The Money In The World opens December 8th. At least we hope so, because it looks just our kind of bonkers. Also the perfect movie for a Pahle review? It’s only fair if she did in fact will this into existence.

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Kristy Puchko is the managing editor of Pajiba. You can follow her on Twitter.