Complain to your hearts content, if you’d like, but we have no choice but to allow a new generation of leading men and women replace our aging stars — The Toms (Cruise and Hanks), Julia Roberts, Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie, et. al, are too old to play 20-somethings, so there’s little choice in the matter. And as much as I’d like to see the next generation being led by Carey Mulligan, Olivia Thirlby, or —- …. hmmm. I can’t think of a male actor in his early 20s that I really dig — it’s more likely going to be people like Shia LaBeouf, Zac Efron, or even Miley Cyrus.
Can you imagine? The next Julia Roberts and Sandra Bullock may actually be Miley Cyrus and Dakota Fanning. Yeesh.
To the point: Zac Efron over the last couple of days has actually put himself in a position to star in two upcoming features, which he’s producing himself. The first is a cinematic adaptation of Fire, a “Ludlum-esque spy thriller” based on a graphic novel by Brian Michael Bendis. In it Efron will be recruited by the CIA only to find out that he’s being trained in a program for expendable agents. Bendis — who also wrote The Ultimate Spider-Man comic — is set to pen the script.
Meanwhile, Efron also set up a deal with Warner Brothers to star in a Back to the Future-like movie based on two existing projects, one of which is already being developed for Nicholas Stoller (Forgetting Sarah Marshall) to direct. There are no other details, nor any indication as to whether Stoller will remain on board.
And yet, elsewhere, Miley Cyrus — who is already making a pitch to be considered less Hannah Montana-ey with The Last Song — a movie I considered for my Worst 10 of 2010 until I saw the trailer and realized it wouldn’t be completely atrocious, just very bad — is now in negotiations to star alongside Demi Moore in a movie with what has to be the worst movie title of the new decade: LOL: Laughing Out Loud. In it, Cyrus will play a 15-year old jilted by her more sexually experienced boyfriend, so decides to go after his best friend. Demi Moore will play her 40-year-old Mom, recently divorced, who is testing the dating waters again herself. It’s a remake of a French film; Lisa Azuelos-Alessandrin, who wrote and directed the original, will do the same on the remake.
Did I mention the movie was called LOL: Laughing Out Loud? Yeah. You can go ahead and shoot yourself in the face now.
Look: It’s not so bad. Miley Cyrus is already 18 years old. She’s only got 15 years or so left before some younger, fancier model replaces her. We can get through that. Right?
Meanwhile, most of you don’t know it yet, because you haven’t seen Me and Orson Welles, but Efron is a decent actor. He’s just gotta remove the stink of High School Musical from his reputation, and he’s probably going to have a well-deserved lengthy career. And before you go pissing and moaning, remember this: Ryan Gosling got his start on The Mickey Mouse Club. Those Disney connections — they torture your soul. And that makes for a much better actor. He’s just gotta do something about that hair. No one will ever take that hair seriously.