"You keep saying you want to change things, but you keep repeating old behavior. You can't have it both ways."
So the Emmy nominations were announced earlier this morning, with Sofia Vergara and Joel McHale hosting the brief live announcements, which at least made the 10-minute bit eye-pleasing and mildly amusing (I could hear Vergara pronounce Ian McKellen’s name as “Eye-an” forever).
Right off the bat, I’ve got a big fucking problem with “Glee.” It is the most nominated series, with 19 nominations (second only to the 24 nods received by “The Pacific”). Look — I get that the show is kinda the “it show” right now but if there’s a bigger overrated mess on television at the moment, I can’t think of it. Fucking “Glee”…. I do love the 14 nominations “Modern Family” got, although I hate that “Parks and Recreation” only got 2 nominations and “Community” got a big doughnut (I also hate that “Party Down” got no nods, but this was expected). “Two and a Half Men” got six nominations too many, and the seven nods for “Breaking Bad” are good, but it probably needed a few more.
And no nominations for “Sons of Anarchy” is a fucking miscarriage of justice. The show itself, Charlie Hunnam, Maggie Siff, Ron Perlman, Adam Arkman, Kim Coates and, above all else, Katey Sagal. Nothing for any of them. That’s just tragic.
In any event, for the full list of nominees, you can head over to the Emmy website. For the big ones, plus a few others I was interested in for one reason or another, and my ever-sparkling commentary, scroll on down.
Does it even matter. Old Spice’s “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like” was nominated. Old Spice’s “The Man Your Man Could Smell Like” will win. He’s on a horse, for crying out loud!
Outstanding Main Title Design
Bored to Death
This is another one that seems like a slam dunk to me. “Human Target’s” opening credits are, to use the lingo of the kids these days, just plain cool.
Outstanding Original Main Title Theme Music
Parks and Recreation
Damn it. I was all also calling this one a slam dunk for “Human Target” until I saw “Parks and Rec” getting a nod. How can the Emmy go to anything but Jabba the Hut:
Outstanding Original Music and Lyrics
I’m not going to bore you with the list of nominees here — I’m only mentioning this category because the excellent “How Lovely to Be a Vegetable” from “Rescue Me” got nominated. Last season was a bit of a disappointment, overall, but the storyline about Sean Garrity’s cancer lead to some wonderful moments, including Steven Pasquale’s epic veggie tales performance.
This is the place where I’d show you a video of it, but I cannot, for the life of me, find one. Which is sad for all of us. So moving on…
Outstanding Host for a Reality or Reality-Competition Program
Phil Keoghan (The Amazing Race)
Ryan Seacrest (American Idol)
Tom Bergeron (Dancing with the Stars)
Heidi Klum (Project Runway)
Jeff Probst (Survivor)
They really should just put Probst into the hall of fame so that Keoghan can get a win.
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Comedy Series
Chris Colfer (Glee)
Neil Patrick Harris (How I Met Your Mother)
Jesse Tyler (Modern Family)
Eric Stonestreet (Modern Family)
Ty Burrell (Modern Family)
Jon Cryer (Two and a Half Men)
Love all the “Modern Family” love, although I would’ve liked to have seen Rico Rodriguez get the nomination instead of Burrell or, especially, Tyler (he plays Mitchell). Jon Cryer can suck a fucking dick. And where the hell is Nick Offerman (Ron F’ing Swanson on “Parks and Recreation”)? He should be the easy winner here and he’s not even nominated? Mother fuck. …I’m boycotting this category.
Outstanding Supporting Actor in a Drama Series
Aaron Paul (Breaking Bad)
Martin Short (Damages)
Terry O’Quinn (Lost)
Michael Emerson (Lost)
John Slattery (Mad Men)
Andre Braugher (Men of a Certain Age)
Love the Braugher nomination, as “Men of a Certain Age” is a quietly under-the-radar little show. Can’t really complain about any of the other nominations either, although I might’ve give a “Lost” nod to Josh Holloway over Emerson, and given a single “Mad Men” slot, I probably would’ve gone with Bryan Batt over Slattery for this particular season. Meanwhile, no love for “Sons of Anarchy,” which is loaded with great performances? Bugger. And I would swap Martin Short, who was OK on “Damages,” out for Zach Gilford, who was fantastic on “Friday Night Lights.” But out of the group we’ve been given, there is absolutely no question that Aaron Paul should win, but I suspect it will go to one of the Losties.
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Comedy Series
Jane Lynch (Glee)
Julie Bowen (Modern Family)
Sofia Vergara (Modern Family)
Kristen Wiig (Saturday Night Live)
Jane Krakowski (30 Rock)
Holland Taylor (Two and a Half Men)
Krakowski has no business being on the list this season and, much though I love Bowen and “Modern Family,” she’s a bit too much of a low-key straight man. Their spots should go to Dustin’s little crush, Alison Brie (“Community”) and either Lizzy Caplan (“Party Down”), Rosemarie DeWitt (“United States of Tara”) or Aubrey Plaza (“Parks and Recs”) But it wouldn’t matter, because there’s little doubt that Jane Lynch should and will win.
Outstanding Supporting Actress in a Drama Series
Sharon Gless (Burn Notice)
Rose Byrne (Damages)
Archie Panjabi (The Good Wife)
Christine Baranski (The Good Wife)
Christina Hendricks (Mad Men)
Elisabeth Moss (Mad Men)
Swap out Rose Byrne (who I like, but who I think is one of the weaker performers on “Damages”) for Maggie Siff (“Sons of Anarchy”), and Baranski for Khandi Alexander (who killed it on “Treme”) and you’ve got a list. From this bunch, I’d say one of the Mad (Wo)Men should win, but it’ll probably go to Panjabi, which I’m ok with.
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Comedy Series
Jim Parsons (The Big Bang Theory)
Larry David (Curb Your Enthusiasm)
Matthew Morrison (Glee)
Tony Shalhoub (Monk)
Steve Carell (The Office)
Alec Baldwin (30 Rock)
Tony Shalhoub, fah-uh-uh-uh-uh-uck you! That’s a spot that could have gone to Joel McHale (who, when told by some Emmy stiff during the announcements that he didn’t get nominated, said, “It’s alright, I phoned it in”). While both “The Office” and “30 Rock” where shaky this year, I can’t say their leads were any worse than years past, so while their nominations are complacent, I don’t know that they’re undeserved. Matthew Morrison, however, is fucking terrible on “Glee,” and his nomination should’ve gone to Adam Scott, from the dearly beloved and now canceled “Party Down.” As for winners, out of this crop, I’d actually root for Larry David, who had a strong year on “Curb,” but I have a sneaking suspicion that either Parsons or Morrison will go home with the goods.
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Comedy Series
Lea Michele (Glee)
Julia Louis-Dreyfus (The New Adventures of Old Christine)
Eddie Falco (Nurse Jackie)
Amy Poehler (Parks and Recreation)
Tina Fey (30 Rock)
Toni Collette (United States of Tara)
Not much to complain about here. My distaste for “Glee” aside, I think Lea Michele is quite good and Louis-Dreyfus may be on a more old-school sitcom, but that doesn’t mean her performance hasn’t been solid (from the bits I’ve seen, at least), although I would like to swap her out for Portia de Rossi (“Better Off Ted”). I suspect this category will go to either Michele or Falco, and I’m going to give the edge to Michele because everyone loves the new dog and pony show.
Outstanding Lead Actor in a Drama Series
Bryan Cranston (Breaking Bad)
Michael C. Hall (Dexter)
Kyle Chandler (Friday Night Lights)
Hugh Laurie (House)
Matthew Fox (Lost)
Jonn Hamm (Mad Men)
Coach got a nomination! Kyle Chandler, about fucking time. I would’ve liked to see Timothy Olyphant (“Justified”) and Steve Zahn (“Treme”) on the list, but I can’t really complain about any of these nominations. “Lost” may have been a divisive season, but Fox was probably the best and most compelling he’s ever been on that show. My heart wants Chandler to take home the gold, but there’s really little question that Cranston should get the hat trick and win again. But that seems unlikely, and given that it was the show’s last season and how much the voters love swan songs, I’m calling this win for Fox.
Outstanding Lead Actress in a Drama Series
Kyra Sedgwick (The Closer)
Glenn Close (Damages)
Connie Britton (Friday Night Lights)
Julianna Margulies (The Good Wife)
Mariska Hargitay (Law & Order: SVU)
January Jones (Mad Men)
Mrs. Coach got a nomination! Connie Britton, about fucking time. However, where is Melissa Leo (“Treme”) and where the fuck is Katey Sagal (“Sons of Anarchy”). Sagal should be a no-brainer to win this category, but I guess you gotta be nominated to play the game. I would easily throw Sedgwick and Jones out to make room for these two. But given this crop of nominees, there is no question in my mind that Connie Britton should win, although I suspect they’re going to give her gold to Margulies (who probably comes in second-place in my own ranking of these nominees).
This category, by the way, was the one highlight of the live announcements. Sofia Vergara had some trouble with the names here, first pronouncing Kyra as “K-eye-ra,” and then hitting a brick wall with Mariska Hargitay. She got “Mariska” out fine, but fell into stunned silence trying to come up with a way to say the last name, so McHale quickly jumped in and spit “Hargitay” into the mike. It was a cute and amusing moment in an otherwise dull 10 minute broadcast.
Return to Cranford
Poor “Return to Cranford.” Not a chance against “The Pacific,” but thanks for playing.
Outstanding Variety, Music or Comedy Series
The Colbert Report
The Daily Show with Jon Stewart
Real Time with Bill Maher
Saturday Night Live
The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien
“SNL” has no business being here. The winner should probably be one of the first three, but is there anyone among us who doesn’t want “The Tonight Show with Conan O’Brien” to take home what would possibly be the most ironic win in Emmy history? Didn’t think so. And I have a sneaking suspicion it’s gonna do it, too.
Outstanding Comedy Series
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Love the nods for “Curb” and “Modern Family.” Hate the nomination for “Glee,” of course, and think the nominations for “The Office” and “30 Rock” are unwarranted given the hit-or-miss quality of their respective seasons. Especially since “Community” and “Parks and Recreation” were both better NBC comedies. The six nominees here should be:
Better Off Ted
Curb Your Enthusiasm
Parks and Recreation
That’s a fucking rock-solid list. But that’s not reality. Given what we’ve got, I think “Curb Your Enthusiasm” is the no-brainer, but I also have no doubt that “Glee” is going to wrongly get the win.
Outstanding Drama Series
The Good Wife
“True Blood?” Really? Amusingly campy show, but solid drama? Not a chance. And I love “Dexter” still, but this season wasn’t quite on par with some shows that aren’t on this list. What we should really be looking at as our six nominees are:
Friday Night Lights
Sons of Anarchy
I’m really pissed at the lack of love for “Sons of Anarchy,” if you can’t tell. That being said, “Breaking Bad” has no business losing this category to any show as it is hands-down the best show currently on TV. And while most people will say “Lost” is going to get the win, I actually think we’re going to get a pleasant surprise here and see “Breaking Bad” get its deserved win.
What say you?