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You Can Have Pennywise; I Want to F&*k David Harbour's Hellboy

By Jodi Smith | Industry | September 13, 2017 |

By Jodi Smith | Industry | September 13, 2017 |

Mike Mignolia’s cigar-chomping, kitten-collecting, half-demon hero is returning to the movies as a reboot. I’ll admit that I thought no one could embody Hellboy like Ron Perlman did in 2004 and 2008. I think I was mistaken. At the very least, the notion that I would never bang Hellboy has been put to rest with this first look at Stranger Thing’s David Harbour as the titular character.

Why, hello there. Unlike Rebecca, this isn’t so much about the dude underneath all of the red paint, the facial hair, and the intimidating Right Hand of Doom. Harbour is fine, but he doesn’t really do it for me.


But Hellboy? DUDE IS RIPPED. Look at those swole pecs, y’all. HOT DAMN.


Like, I would 100% let this Hellboy buy me a drink and put the moves on me. He just looks so brooding and sexy as all hell. The only thing missing is a hairy chest to get me to drop kick some Blood Queens outta the way and jump him.

Speaking of Blood Queens, here is the film’s synopsis:

The film is about Hellboy going to England, where he must defeat Nimue, Merlin’s consort and the Blood Queen. But their battle will bring about the end of the world, a fate he desperately tries to turn away. - Geek Tyrant

Director Neil Marshall’s reboot is said to be an R-rated movie with more in common with horror films than the more action and fantasy-filled Guillermo del Toro films of early the 2000s.

Harbour will be joined by Ian McShane as Professor Broom, Milla Jovovich as Nimue the Blood Queen, Sasha Lane as Alice Monaghan, Penelope Mitchell as Ganeida, and Daniel Dae Kim as Major Ben Daimio.

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Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.