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Robert Zemekis And The Face That He Keeps In A Jar By The Door

By TK Burton | Industry | August 20, 2009 |

By TK Burton | Industry | August 20, 2009 |

Ah, The Beatles catalog continues to be pillaged. This fall’s pending release of Rock Band: The Beatles was the first step. Now, Robert Zemekis, who has apparently given up on live action films altogether, instead preferring the dead-eyed, soulless motion capture technique (Polar Express, A Christmas Carol), is set to remake the classic 1968 film Yellow Submarine. Why? Who the hell knows.

In any event, Disney and Zemekis have been negotiating to get the rights to the songs for the movie, aiming at a 2012 release date, in time for the 2012 Summer Olympics in London. Why they think that’s somehow important is beyond me, but who knows why Disney does anything these days. In fact, I’ve heard tell that simply questioning their motives will get you killed.

It’s not a huge deal, bastardization-wise, since the original wasn’t actually voiced by The Beatles (except for the songs, of course), but one still can’t help but wonder why. I, of course, also have to wonder if it will spawn a mass of stoner fans who seek deeper meaning in the film — or who just like to watch it for the pretty swirling colors. That statement in no way reflects my high school years. Ahem.

Anyway, it’s yet another pointless remake. Zemekis is planning to do it in mo-cap, of course, which will likely scare more children than it will amuse (God knows what the Blue Meanies will look like). While Beowulf was somewhat enjoyable, I still think that Zemekis’s obsession with the technique is a little pointless. But whoever said that Hollywood did anything with a purpose in mind? Plus, just think of all the great tie-ins! Happy Meals, toys, Yellow Submarine milkshakes!

::dies inside::

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TK Burton is an Editorial Consultant. You may email him here or follow him on Twitter.