Watch Wolverine For Free
I don’t know why certain other movie bloggers are making a big deal out of reporting this, but if it’s in the trade papers already, what the hell harm is there in passing along information that X-Men Origins: Wolverine was leaked online last night? It’s apparently an early cut - it has a temporary score, and a darker appearance than the final cut. But I’m guessing that Hugh Jackman looks about the same, which is to say: Shirtless, angry, and hairy.
According to Variety:
Fox execs first heard about the breach at about 7 p.m. last night and began assessing the damage. A Fox source said the leaked version is an early rough cut, with temporary sound and music and a darker appearance than the finished footage.
Fox said they will pursue the breach as aggressively as possible with the help of the MPAA, FBI and local law enforcement.
In the wake of the leak (and anybody with half a brain and a high-speed internet connection can download it right now), apparently 20th Century Fox has decided to “recalibrate the narrative,” so reports Cinematical’s William Goss (huzzah!):
“Look,” said CEO Tom Rothman in a prepared statement, “[expletive] those weaselly little mother[expletive]ers that couldn’t hold onto their [expletive]ing horses to see this film and pay to do so. This is our way of sticking it to the so-called ‘fans’ who managed to show up for three of these flicks and purported to be willing to show up for this one, even thought the last one was a total piece of [expletive].”
James McTeigue was then hired to shoot the literal murder of the man responsible for leaking the film late last night, Guy Finch, at the hands of a firing squad. Franchise veteran Brett Ratner has just wrapped filming the film’s third portion, in which Rothman and Hood take turns actually sodomizing real-life bloggers and message board trolls who were caught downloading the film. (The last known Tweet of one Snikt683 read as follows: “4 am, time for another Hot Pock— omg who’s knockin, OMG! ITS OSCAR HOST WOLVERINE! Dude, what the F, stop shoving me, running out of char-“)
Poor Guy Finch. And I’d have posted this earlier, but the sodomy really put a dent in my productivity.
Anyway, that first part is true. It’s been leaked, but don’t download it. That would be wrong. You’d be taking money out of 20th Century Fox’s pocket. And, honestly, wouldn’t you rather see Ryan Reynolds’ Deadpool on the HUGE screen. He’s much more defined that way.