When the first X-Men Origins: Wolverine trailer debuted six months ago, it came with extremely tempered enthusiasm. Few people expected it to be any good, but most folks thought, “Fuck it. How bad can it be?” and resigned themselves to the fact that they were going to see it, whether they would like it or not.
A few months pass, and the buzz on the movie grows increasingly negative. There were reshoots, alleged disagreements between the director, Gavin Hood, and the studio, and a succession of trailers debuted trying to combat that negativity.
And now, of course, not only has the movie been leaked (and resulted in one FOX movie critic getting the can — small favors), but thanks to this blog — which hypothesizes that the number of helicopters in a movie’s trailer is directly related to how much the movie will suck — we know exactly how much Wolverine is gonna blow.
But, but! You say. For a small segment of you (mostly females), there’s still the matter of Taylor Kitsch and Ryan Reynolds. Sure, Wolverine is worth seeing if only to see Gambit and Deadpool for a few minutes, right?
Oh, how very wrong.
The studio put out five short video character profiles. Pay special attention to Remy LeBeau (Gambit) and Wade Wilson (Deadpool). First of all, if you’re name is Wade, by default, you are doo-shee (no offense to any of our readers named Wade, but if that’s your name, you probably already know you’re a douche). It pains me to say so, but whatever it is that Ryan Reynolds has, it doesn’t translate well in this 30-second profile. In fact, Deadpool is a giant toolbox. And Gambit and his assy Southern accent fares no better (and you’d think, as the star of a football show set in Texas, Kitsch could pull off the accent, but you’d think wrong).
Anyway, here are the five character profiles. They should pretty much disabuse you of any desire to see Wolverine whatsoever, even as a two-hour summertime diversion.