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Wingnut Turd Rates 10 Most Overrated Songs of All Time, Calls Springsteen "Elevator Music"

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | April 10, 2012 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | April 10, 2012 |

I get a lot of crap around here for frequently highlighting the obvious liberal-baiting trollery that takes place daily over on Andrew Breitbart’s (R.I.H.) blog (particularly from our friend, Fredo). But the truth of it is this: There’s no vast conspiracy; I do not have a deal with the devil; and I am not paid to do so. I check Breitbart’s blog whenever I need a mental jumpstart: Nothing gets me going more in the morning than dim-witted, paranoid assholery. We all need enemies, folks: Living life without an enemy is like reading a novel without an antagonist. It’s kind of boring. I don’t really subscribe to the theory that we need to expose ourselves to the Devil to understand him, but it does help to have all of my notions about the far right validated.

Also, they are really good at baiting liberals. The latest: Some soulless dipshit named Ben Shapiro ranks the 10 Most Overrated Songs of All Time. Do they include the “Thong Song” or “Too Sexy” or “Proud to Be An American”? Of course not. Who would get up in arms about that? When Bretibart’s minions go for the kill, they chew out the jugular.

Here’s a sampling:

Anything By Lady Gaga. She is the worst. The absolute worst. There is no excuse for her. Her songs are awful. Her dress-up nonsense is awful. Her persona is awful.

Old timers in these parts may even agree, although while I’m not a huge fan, I appreciate that Lady Gaga exists. The music industry needs a shit-stirrer, and every generation needs their Madonna. Now, Nicki Minaj on the other hand …

One, U2. U2 is second only to The Beatles in the pantheon of overrated bands. Pretentious, whiny, boring. This is the kind of stuff you expect to hear Phoebe playing on her off-days at Central Perk in Friends. It’s rock for people who want rock to sound like white noise. Bono always sounds like he’s slightly drunk and/or has a cold, but he’s just so profound, because he has an earring.

One of my favorite all-time songs. But he’s not terribly wrong.

Born to Run, Bruce Springsteen. Yes, everybody loves the Boss. I don’t mind some of his stuff. But this song is not good. It’s perfectly mediocre. Take away the yelling, and it’s elevator music.

Now, you’ve just crossed the line. THERE’S NO COMING BACK. You’ve entered the zone of sacrilege. Your Christian God will smite you for this, Breitbart guy.

Stairway to Heaven, by Led Zeppelin. Overblown beyond belief, this magnum opus of the soporific has annoyed millions all over the globe. It is endless. The opening solo has become de rigeur for losers trying to win girls by playing the guitar.

Yeah. OK. Spot-on.

London Calling, by The Clash. Two notes. The entire song is essentially two notes. A more annoying song has never been penned.

Eat a dick.

Smells Like Teen Spirit, by Nirvana. No wonder Kurt Cobain committed suicide … When you’re living in Seattle making millions off your nihilism and absolute lack of talent, you don’t get to complain about your ills. At the end of this song, if you don’t feel “stupid and contagious,” feel lucky. This song is aural herpes. And, by the way, Andrew Breitbart hated Nirvana with the fiery passion of a thousand flaming suns.

Now I’m just mad. Just remember this, you swollen prostate: When Breitbart died, the liberal media establishment was mostly respectful. Because we are mannered, polite people, who respect the dead even when they are horrible.

Like a Rolling Stone, by Bob Dylan. The fame and fortune of Bob Dylan make you question the presence of a benevolent God in the universe. He sings like a cat being run over by a nail-studded steamroller. His lyrics are lazy and stupid - he doesn’t bother for rhyme scheme (“home” and “unknown” do not rhyme), or even that the words scan with the music. The song itself makes no sense … It’s not just “Like a Rolling Stone” that sucks so much that Paris Hilton is jealous. “Blowin’ in the Wind” is awful; “Times’ They are a-Changin’” is hipster crapola; “Hurricane” is a falsification of history, and awful. His songs are endless. This song runs over six minutes long; “Hurricane” runs over eight minutes. Eight minutes. The first movement of Beethoven’s fifth symphony runs less time, and has more than four chords. … Bob Dylan makes life meaningless, and makes man curse nature for the gift of eardrums. Listen, Baby Boomers - I know you were all high when you listened to Dylan. But please, for the love of God, stop inflicting him on future generations.

Can’t breathe. Must hurt someone. Is there a brick lying around I can throw through a window.

Imagine, by John Lennon. There are no words for how truly evil and terrible this song is … It’s a communist, atheist song, pure and simple. This could be the Barack Obama campaign song - but it would express too clearly what the redistributionist left wants for the world: no borders, no God, no meaning, no values, and no wealth.

You always show your cards, don’t you? An entire liberal-baiting piece designed to shit on Obama. Congrats, Breitbart guy. You’ve forsaken your entire piece with one transparent political swipe.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.