The MPAA — that bastion of soft-brained, oatmeal-eating old men who freak out at the sight of a bare boob or the utterance of the F-word but have no problem with villainous characters jamming a man’s eyeball into a pencil — has come down with its rating for Christopher Nolan’s The Dark Knight Rises. Like its predecesor, Rises has been rated PG-13 for “intense sequences of violence and action, some sensuality, and language.”
It’s the “intense sequences” that provides the rub. Look: I absolutely don’t mind that Nolan’s film is PG-13, although I probably would think twice before allowing a 13-year-old to see it. The problem is that the MPAA doesn’t know how to grade “intense sequences.” They can count the number of F words, and they can’t count the number of nip slips, but intensity is subjective, and the MPAA has sh*t for brains when it comes to that. Psychological trauma just doesn’t rate with those guys. Plus, they adore violence, just as long as it’s not delivered upon bullying victims.
At any rate, here’s a refresher on the 10 Hardest Rated PG-13 movies ever. Will The Dark Knight Rises surpass them all? My guess? Yes. That Bane is a mean, intense motherfucker, and he’s not afraid to show his junk.
9. Drag Me to Hell
7. Casino Royale
6. Live Free or Die Hard
4. Rise of the Planet of the Apes
3. Sucker Punch
1. The Dark Knight