Akiva Goldman proudly has been giving interviews about the Transformers writers room and the plans for an enormous shared universe of Transformers films. They’re gathering writers, with names such as Robert Kirkman, Matt Holloway, Zak Penn, and a dozen or so others. The entire team is meeting today in order to hash out Transformers 5 and then move on to building an expanded universe of other films and spinoffs, clearly working closely off of the Marvel and Star Wars plans.
We’ve got a work space that is beautifully production designed to be immersive with a strong sense of the franchise history. We will look at the toys, the TV shows, the merchandise, everything that has been generated by Hasbro, from popular to forgotten iterations, and establish a mythological time line. It has been designed with a lot of visual help, toys, robots, sketches and writers and artists. After that super saturation, the writers will figure out not one, but numerous films that will extend the universe.
See this is an interesting process, one absolutely unique in the history of writing. Traditionally, people have ideas for stories, and then write those stories. Goldman is instead handing them a pile of toys and telling them to make up stories to explain why they exist other than to make a toy company money off of children in the 1980s. I’m pretty sure that this is literally the most cynical and creatively bankrupt process that has ever been undertaken in the history of Hollywood. And that is quite a statement.
I’ve got good news and I’ve got bad news. The bad news is that the Transformers cancer has metastasized. The good news is that eventually the sun will burn out, and as it expands vastly to swallow the inner three planets of the solar system, all evidence of the Transformers franchise will be forever eradicated from the face of the universe.
But to be fair, all of this could be a lot worse. It could be GoBots.