Why I Drink Part 32: Vin Diesel, Paris Hilton, Child's Play, Piranha 3D, and The Boys
There is a surfeit of good news today, but an entire pile of random tidbits that taken together will make you wonder if the bottom of the bottle has the answer. Not because any of the news is that bad in and of itself, but because so much of it makes you really question whether we’re really trying as a species.
First up, CinemaCon is going on right now in Las Vegas. It’s the official convention of the National Association of Theatre Owners. That’s right, theater owners decided that the best acronym for them would be “NATO.” Do you think if one of the theater owners brings in a backpack and a coffee to the convention, they make him throw away the coffee and submit to a search of his backpack? Well, NATO has announced that they will be giving Vin Diesel that coveted Action Star of the Year award. Despite the fact that Diesel hasn’t even been in a movie this year, NATO announced “With the upcoming all-star reunion in Fast Five, sure to thrill audiences around the world, we are excited to be able to honor him with the ‘CinemaCon Action Star of the Year Award.’”
That’s right, Vin Diesel is getting awards in advance for Fast Five.
Next, Piranha 3D has a sequel coming out this year called Piranha 3DD. The first bit of fantastic news is that Tara Reid has been cast in it, and I’m not sure whether Reid or the film is scraping a lower point of the bottom of the barrel. Probably both. Also, the film has been delayed two months for script rewrites by the guy who wrote Highlander: Endgame. I don’t know if it’s more depressing that Piranha 3DD’s script actually legally qualifies to use that word, that it is being rewritten, or that the person who wrote Highlander: Endgame still gets paychecks.
So what are among the first movies on the slate for MGM as it drags itself out of bankruptcy? It’s just got to print some James Bond money right? Well, that may be the case, but one of the other films that made the first round cut is a reboot of Child’s Play. How the hell do you reboot a film about a killer doll? Is there really that much canon that needs reworked that you have to specifically specify that you’re rebooting the series? And MGM, really, fire somebody. Fire everybody. Hire a six year old to make your production decisions. They really, honestly, could not possibly do a worse job.
Oh and Paris Hilton is better than us, she’s getting an award from the Starlight Children’s Foundation for her charity work. The press release doesn’t bother saying what she has actually done but ends with this gem: “And the following day Hilton continued her charity work by taking part in a run alongside singer Fergie, her husband Josh Duhamel and Glee star Dianna Agron, to raise money for the Japanese earthquake and tsunami relief effort.”
I’m with Ruxin on this one. Holding people hostage to make donations based on you exercising makes you a charity terrorist.
(source: Love Style)
But at the very least we can get some good news out of work getting going on a film adaptation of The Boys, right? Well, as we’ve cringed at previously: Adam McKay is in charge of it. Yes the guy whose entire career is a string of Will Ferrell movies is the one adapting one of the darkest and most fucked up comic books ever written. The latest news? He wants Russell Crowe for the lead of Billy Butcher.
Sigh. At least it isn’t Gerard Butler.
(source: Cinema Blend)