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Who Gets The Dwarves In The Custody Battle?

By Brian Prisco | Industry | October 13, 2010 |

By Brian Prisco | Industry | October 13, 2010 |

Once upon a time, this little production company called Relativity Media was run by Prince Ryan Kavanaugh. Relativity spread its wealth across the kingdom of Holly Wood, essentially funding several projects at various studios across the land. One of these studios was Universal, who made a deal with Relativity, who would actually fund three of the four Universal releases every year. But lo, a darkness spread across the land, for Relativity and Universal suddenly discovered they had competing projects based on the Brothers Grimm fairy tale of Snow White. And now, shit is about to go down.

Relativity’s project is from Melisa Wallack, a relative unknown, who wrote a spec script called Brothers Grimm: Snow White. Kavanaugh’s signed Tarsem Singh, director of The Cell and The Fall, a visually compelling commercial director who has yet to assemble a successful narrative. Universal paid a staggering $1.5 million for Evan Daughtery’s Snow White and the Huntsman, which they’ve assigned to commercial director Rupert Sanders, who has never helmed a major studio picture. And now neither one wants to blink. There’s no starlets signed on as the milky white maiden and her septuple indenture servants, though the usual suspects are circling the drain: Natalie Portman, Anne Hathaway, and Scarlett Johannsen.

It’s really goddamn hard to pick a dog in this fight. Relativity’s got the money, and allegedly the better of the two scripts. But, Tarsem is like M. Night in that he really loves to tinker with story. And he’s yet to tinker well. It’ll be this luscious, arresting, Gilliamesque mess of psychotropic bullshit. The title and choice of director makes me fear it’s bound to be some sort of meta-project like The Brothers Grimm, where the writers are living the story. Universal’s project, by virtue of the fact they paid so much for it, makes me convinced it’s gonna be akin to Burton’s Wonderland script. I kind of have hope for this, since it’s emphasizing The Huntsman, which is a really intriguing prospect. Sanders ain’t done shit, but hell, Spike Jonze’s first flick was Being John Malkovich, so I’m not discounting commercial directors.

Even funnier is the idea that Disney’s got a third project called Snow White and the Seven, which is — I shit you not — recasting the seven dwarves as Shaolin fighting monks. What. The. Fuck. Bill Willingham has proven that with a little creative artistry, you can do a lot with the basic fairy tales. And Snow White’s a badass in Fables. Personally, I just think it’s gonna turn into a shitcyclone, and neither project is gonna be much good. As much as I’d rather back Relativity, and I feel like they’re better, I think Universal’s got the fiercer project. And if it’s as action-y as I’m hoping, I’d like to see Hathaway get the Snow White.

(Source: Vulture)

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