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Which of these Three Potential Sequels Are You Least Interested In?

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | June 27, 2011 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | June 27, 2011 |

The box office numbers are up this summer, and if you look at the release schedule, it’s not hard to see why. No, it’s not because the movie are better. Don’t be so naive! Just look at the top ten films so far this summer: The Hangover II, Pirates of the Carribean: On Stranger Tides, Fast Five, Thor, Kung Fu Panda 2, Bridesmaids, X-Men: First Class, Super 8, Green Lantern and Cars 2. You see a common thread? Eight of the 10 are either sequels or based on an existing property, and you wouldn’t be hard pressed to imagine that some people confused Super 8 for a sequel (huh? I missed the first seven? Well, hell, Darnell, I best catch up). Next summer has Superman: The Man of Steel and The Dark Knight Rises, but what ever shall we do about future summers?

More sequels, of course. The first is a hint of one is for Toy Story. Tom Hanks, in a radio show, revealed that “they are trying to do another one. The spirit afoot is to make a fourth … Whatever is going on at Pixar headquarters is a mystery to me. I’ll wait until they blow white smoke out of the chimney or whatever it is that says there’s another Toy Story coming down the pipe.”

Why not? Andy is in college, but say Woody and Buzz and the Gang follow him to his dorm and try to save him from a stalking co-ed that he fucked and bucked? Pixar would finally get some use out of all the double entendres available in Woody’s name.

Pssst. Pixar. We don’t want your sequels. You’ve been so good and so successful with original properties, you really don’t need to go there.

The other sequel is one we not only didn’t ask for, but one that I’ve been saying all along will never happen. Well, I’m an idiot. THR is reporting that Warner Brothers is pursuing a sequel to Green Lantern despite its disastrous box-office ($120 million so far, worldwide, on a $200 million budget). Why? No idea. Maybe the worlds are already built, so they can make the next one on the cheap? If they were smart, they’d just go ahead and reboot the goddamn franchise. This one is tainted. Ruined. Destroyed. Worthless. I’m still fairly certain they’ll never move ahead with this, notwithstanding their own admissions.

The third potential sequel is not so much a “potential” one as a done deal. Fast & Furious 6 has already called dibs on Memorial Day weekend in 2013, so reports Deadline. Justin Lin will return to direct, and Vin Diesel will return to star, along with the rest of the gang in what is already being described as “their most dangerous adventure yet.” I suppose that does sound better than, “Probably more of the same, only will rotate in another action star.”

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.