Which of These 5 Actresses Is Best Suited to Play a Porn-Star with a Bottomless Gullet?
The Linda Lovelace biopic is picking up steam again, after one actress was booted from one project and replaced by another actress, before that Linda Lovelace movie was put on the back burner and another sprung forth in its place, like a regenerating penis that throbs in the presence of cash.
Here are the five women variously associated with the two Linda Lovelace projects so far.
So, here’s the order of events: Lindsay Lohan was once attached to the first Linda Lovelace project, but the producers of that film realized that Lindsay Lohan was Lindsay Lohan so they replaced her with Malin Akerman. However, that project — still technically alive — is now being pushed to the background by a new Linda Lovelace biopic which originally had Kate Hudson attached, but Kate Hudson got pregnant, so — according to rumor — they were eyeing Olivia Wilde.
But not anymore. Now Amanda Seyfried is in negotiations to play the porn star turned anti-porn advocate. Meanwhile, Peter Sarsgaard is in negotiations to play Chuck Traynor, who was Lovelace’s classy manager, husband and pimp.
Lovelace, of course, began her career as a dog f*cker (literally, as she starred in a bestiality film called Dog F*cker) before she gained fame in Deep Throat, one of the first porn films to feature anal. I think she also built baking soda volcanoes in her mouth. Or something. Anyway, after several bad choices, a bout with drug addiction, and a divorce from Traynor — who she claimed forced her into pornography at gunpoint — Lovelace joined the feminist anti-pornography movement before later succumbing to injuries from an automobile accident.
Pretty harrowing life.
I have to say, actually, that out of the five women in contention to play Linda Lovelace, Lindsay Lohan might have been the most appropriate choice, while Amanda Seyfried would’ve been the last woman to come to mind.