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When Spongebob Parodies '50 Shades of Grey,' How Are We Supposed to Feel About Mr. Squarepants?

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | February 2, 2015 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | February 2, 2015 |

This movie poster was released over the weekend for the Spongebob Squarepants movie, which comes out this weekend, one week ahead of 50 Shades of Grey.


What am I supposed to think about this? Is this poster trying to tell us something? Is Squarepants in a BDSM relationship with Ms. Poppy Puff?


Before I know it, he’s got both of my fins in his sponge-like grip above my head, and he’s pinning me to the wall using his buckteeth … His other hand grabs my tiny blue hat and yanks it off, bringing my fish lips up, and his lipless gums are on my blower … My tongue tentatively strokes his and joins his in a slow, erotic dance … His erection is against my scales. Holy cow! … He kneels up and pulls a dishwashing glove onto his considerable length. Oh no … Will it? How?”

“You’re so deliciously wet,” Spongebob says to me, and I say, “I know. I live in the ocean,” and he smiles wryly, “God, I want you … I’m going to fuck you now, Mrs. Puff … Hard … Come for me, Poppy.”

Spongebob places his hand on my naked behind, softly fondling my fins, stroking around and around with his balloon-shaped palm. And then his hand is no longer there … and he hits me—hard.”

Spongebob squirts fish oil into his hand and then rubs my dorsal fin with careful tenderness— soothing balm for a spanked ass, who would have thought it was such a versatile liquid?”

“Parents need to know that the cartoon SpongeBob SquarePants contains satirical humor that might confuse kids who can’t separate fantasy and reality.” — Common Sense Media

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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