The rumors are false he says. Which ones? Well, apparently the Internet’s pipes have been clogged with all manner of hair balls this last week as every rumor monger in the business has been bearing down to fill a weight quota. We’re not immune to these things, but I like to think that since we’re relatively upfront about watching the for the spectacle and not the show, maybe we’re somehow better than the rest. Of course 79% of people think that they are on the side of the angels, which happens to be the exact same proportion of statistics that are made up, so you might take my opinion with a boulder of salt.
Various sundry websites have reported that any or all of the major actors are holding out for additional mountains of money, and that lawsuits may be involved. Our resident expert, a goose who once laid a certain egg, was unavailable for comment on account of having fled the country.
The best rumor, and by best I mean the one that is most improbable, yet somehow would be the most acceptable to me if it turned out to be true, was the one that suggested that Joss Whedon was making a $100 million salary for Avengers 2. Here is Whedon’s fantastic response:
“I was going to let it slide, but I’ve got this sour taste in my mouth. (Mmmm, lemonade!). Some facts are not facts. I’m not going to go into the whole thing, but jeepers, I’m not getting $100 mil on Avengers 2. If I were, I would come on this site and laugh and laugh and laugh. I’m not making Downey money. I’m making A LOT, which is exciting. I’m not pretending to be a poor farmer, an Everyman, an ANYman. But that number is nuts. A few other things about me that have been “reported” that people should take with a grain of salt:
That I throw wild Hollywood parties where everyone is naked and dancing and wild and I remember to serve enough snacks.
That I can get a movie greenlit by sighing and staring into the middle distance.
That I ate a unicorn and made it winter for three years.
That I “can write.”
Well, that’s a load off. Sorry to get so personal — the whole thing’s a bit tawdry. But honestly, it bugged me. I’m off for a nice juicy steak. There’s a place downtown that does it with rosemary butter, it tastes just like unico — like a steak.”
I can add little that could top this statement, other than to start my own rumor fueled by a highly suspicious omission from that statement: Joss Whedon Fails to Deny that “Firefly” Season 2 Will Air in 2014.