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What You Missed Last Night While You Were Fantasizing about Tom Cruise in Cowboy Boots and an Open-Collared Shirt

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | August 23, 2011 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | August 23, 2011 |

You know that WarGames remake someone threatens to make every few months? Someone’s doing some more threatening, this time in the form of a screenwriter. According to THR, Noah Oppenheim will script the film and Seth Gordon (Horrible Bosses, The King of Kong) will direct. The remake will revise the central premise, as the lead computer hacker will be tasked with destroying Ally Sheedy’s career after it is temporarily resuscitated by nostalgia.

Brian Kirk, the fella who will replace Kenneth Branagh and will direct Thor 2, is now attached to Paper Wings, a rodeo film that Tom Cruise has been developing with an eye toward starring. According to Variety, Cruise would play a rodeo champ who falls in love with a woman (at one time, Reese Witherspoon was attached; she is no longer). Woah! Tom Cruise as a rodeo champ? You all can just let that image run through your head. Now, try to do it without thinking of the word “gay.” Snap button open-collar Western shirt, bucking horse, stirrups and a rope? You can’t do it, can you?

Our old friend Patton Oswalt* will star along with Johnny Knoxville in an untitled comedy about “a pair of battling brothers who attempt to honor their ailing father by taking a troop of boys on a last ditch camping trip that goes wildly wrong.” The movie was written and will be directed by Todd Rohal, director of The Catechism Cataclysm. The Catechism Cataclysm was an outrageously shitty movie. (*We are not actually friends with Patton Oswalt).

According to Survivor Sucks (via Vulture), “Survivor’s” season 23 will once again see the return of two old cast members, Benjamin “Coach” Wade and Ozzy Lusth. Moreover, Brandon Hantz — Russell’s Hantz’s 19-year-old nephew — will also be playing this season, as well as Whitney Duncan, a previous contestant on “Nashville Country.”

According to Vulture, “Modern Family” star, Eric Stonestreet, is attached to “The Day the Laughter Stopped,” and HBO film about the rise and fall of comedian and silent-film star Fatty Arbuckle, the original Kevin James.

Dwayne Johnson, one of the many new faces in the upcoming G.I. Joe film, tweeted confirmation over the weekend that Bruce Willis has been cast in the sequel. He will play General Joe Colton, the original G.I. Joe. I know how exciting that must be for someone. Somewhere. Surely. Related: The Rock likes to break news on Twitter.

For fans of Jimmy Fallon, which should include anyone with a fondness for earnest, clever, good-spirited and unironic humor, you should know that he’ll be hosting “Saturday Night Live” this December, hosting for the first time since he left the show in 2004.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.