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What You Missed Last Night While You Were Explaining to the Gays Why They Can't Have Hugh Jackman. He's Ours!

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | August 18, 2011 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | August 18, 2011 |

Here are two questions I was given at last night’s pub trivia: Who was Kat Von D dating before she began dating Jesse James? And what show features Rick, Richard, and Corey Harrison, as well as Chumlee?

I’m not going to tell you the answers, except to say that I actually feel better about myself having not answered them correctly. Now, on to the news:

Which is your favorite, folks? Chloe Moretz? Abigail Breslin? Or Elle Fanning? I think Elle is the better actress (those eyes!), but Chloe gets the better parts. However, Abigail just jumped up a rung, having been cast in The Class Project, an indie drama based on the real-life “Bathtub Girls,” who were two teenage Canadian sisters who murdered their mother in 2003 and got away with the crime for a year before being found out. According to Variety, Stan Brooks will direct. It sounds like one of those films where, if it were fictional, it’d be cool, but since it’s based on a true story, if the teenage girls are glamorized killers, it’d feel kinda squicky.

It’s a slow news month, as August tends to be, which is why the movie blogs are spending an inordinate amount of time discussing why Disney has decided not to move ahead with Johnny Depp’s The Lone Ranger due to budgetary concerns (it’s pegged at $250 million). The astonishing figure is that, in order to make a profit after production and marketing, the film would have to make $800 million. Movieline runs down several of the reasons The Lone Ranger would not make that much money in a fascinating post if you’re into the wonky side of things. The one reason that there missing, however, is: Dude, it’s The Lone Ranger. It’s about two single dudes who roam the countryside on horses. Maybe if they take them out of the prairie and put them in Los Angeles on motorcycles and recast The Lone Ranger as Mickey Rourke, then maybe we’ve got something. It is tentpole, and it does come from Disney, so apparently it doesn’t even matter if it’s good, as long as it looks pretty.

Hugh Jackman is set to star in The Greatest Showman on Earth, a musical biopic of 19th Century circus master P.T. Barnum, written by Jenny Bicks (Sex and the City). Circus! Musical! Jackman! I know the Gays would like to claim him, but Jackman’s ours, fellas. And he makes us proud. Remember this?

We need him to balance out the street cred The Gays get from NPH.


You guys can have this guy:


Oh yeah, the news: A commercial director, Michael Gracey, has signed on to direct The Greatest Showman on Earth, according to Variety.

Slashfilm has tracked down the generic plot synopsis for Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel, and while it doesn’t give anything away, it does confirm the unfortunate obvious: Origins story.

“In the pantheon of superheroes, Superman is the most recognized and revered character of all time. Clark Kent/Kal-El (Cavill) is a young twentysomething journalist who feels alienated by powers beyond anyone’s imagination. Transported to Earth years ago from Krypton, an advanced alien planet, Clark struggles with the ultimate question - Why am I here? Shaped by the values of his adoptive parents Martha (Lane) and Jonathan Kent (Costner), Clark soon discovers that having super abilities means making very difficult decisions. But when the world needs stability the most, it comes under attack. Will his abilities be used to maintain peace or ultimately used to divide and conquer? Clark must become the hero known as “Superman,” not only to shine as the world’s last beacon of hope but to protect the ones he loves.”

“In the pantheon of superheroes”? That’s the kind of bullshit phrase that Zack Snyder would use to sound impressive.

You folks remember a few weeks back when TK had an embolism after learning that Tom Cruise had been cast as Jack Reacher in Lee Child’s pulpy novel One Shot? Here’s a refresher:

This is one of those instances where we truly see what a mentally deficient, brain-raping baby Huey that Hollywood is. Producers don’t give a fuck about source material, they don’t give a fuck about readers, they don’t give a fuck, period. They’ll just take something and adapt it because it’s popular, but then they’ll promptly soak the book in kerosene, set it on fire, and force it down the throat of a random hobo. Whatever that hobo shits out? That’s what we’re getting. This is like the botched adaptation of The Dresden Files on a multimillion dollar scale.

Well, according to Deadline, Rosamund Pike (An Education, Clash of the Titans 2) is now in talks to play defense attorney Helen Rodin. Take that for what it’s worth.

I was going to create a separate post for this, but the second trailer for Red Tails doesn’t deserve it, so I’m going to dump it here.

I understand that it’s a good subject: The Tuskegee Airmen, the first African-American pilots to fly in a combat squadron during World War II. But George Lucas produces. One strike. The current King of Redbox, Cuba Gooding, Jr., stars. Two strikes. And Cuba’s Redbox protege, Terrence Howard, also stars. Strike three. Wasting Bryan Cranston? You just fell on your ass.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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