Alexander Skarsgard, of course!
Also, Jamie Dornan is in talks.
Skarsgard isn’t above reciting horrible garbage dialogue. He isn’t above baring that ass either. If Skarsgard were cast in Fifty Shades of Sh*t I might even watch it. With the sound off. There aren’t many other actors out there that could make me watch this ridiculous pile of burnt hair masquerading as a movie, but Skarsgard could. I expect some other people might feel the same way.