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What Kind of Sick, Twisted Bastard Would Make a Film Like This?

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | March 8, 2011 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | March 8, 2011 |

There’s a contingent of our readership, largely female, that’s more sick and twisted and f*cked in the head than the people who watch Serbian Film on a loop. Why? Because these women subject themselves to Misery Night. Voluntarily. Misery Night is worse than any horror film you’ve ever seen because Misery Night is real. It’s toplined by a show called “Hoarders,” and if you’re not familiar with it, it’s about the most psychologically deranged, mentally imbalanced people on the planet. Murdering, I understand. We all get that urge from time to time. But willingly living in filth? In junk and animal carcasses and rotting food and broken appliances and used diapers? What kind of sick son of a bitch would do this?

Last year, I subjected myself to an episode of “Hoarders” for review, and within half an hour, I was holding back my own dry heaves. For the next four hours, I attacked my own home with sponges and cleaning products and vacuums and sterilizers with the vigilance Al Pacino attacking a shout. I even cleaned my laundry room. Who does that?

It’s a seriously messed up show, folks. And hoarders are the most disturbed men and women in the civilized world.

Sounds like a great premise for a horror movie.

Adria Petty (daughter of Tom) will be directing the film, called Suffocate. Per Deadline: Suffocate is about “a group of city workers who enter a hoarder’s condemned brownstone and find it loaded with deadly traps and an unrelenting killer. The group is forced to use their wits—and demolition tools—to stay alive.”

It sounds terrifying.

I will not be reviewing this film.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.