CBS announced today that general laughing stock/GOP presidential frontrunner Donald Trump will appear on the new Late Show later this month. Now, this makes sense because during his premiere episode Tuesday night, Colbert promised that he would be covering “all of the presidential candidates… who are Donald Trump.” Trump is comedy gold (or comedy orange, more accurately), so it makes sense that Colbert would talk about him nonstop. But I’m a little nervous to see Trump actually on the show. For one, because I want to hear as few thoughtwords as possible coming out of that stupid gaping hole in his orange facespace as little as possible. And two, because Colbert did a scary job of coming very close to humanizing Jeb(!) Bush during his interview earlier this week. And if you still think Trump is a joke— well, you’re right. But he’s also depressingly far ahead in the polls, and we don’t need Colbert helping out with that.
Still, this is happening, whether we like it or not. So maybe let’s spend from now until September 22nd alternately ignoring the inevitable and planning out topics for Stephen to broach. I for one would like to see Colbert make Trump talk about:
—Oreos (pro or anti?)
—Self-tanner do’s & do nots (ALL ADVICE GIVEN BY TRUMP ON THIS SUBJECT IS A DO NOT.)
—Why he keeps making jokes about boning his own daughter?
—A general “How dare you”-ness
—A number ranking of Trump’s hotness (Since he’s obviously an expert)
—A presidential guide to combovers
That’s just a quick start. We’ve got two weeks to fill this docket, people. Get on it.