A new study put out by the National Cancer Institute has revealed that watching television will fuck you up, health-wise, and it’s not because all the cliffhangers will eventually make your heart stop. It’s because all that goddamn sitting will eventually make your heart stop. In other words, it’s not the act of watching TV itself that’s so dangerous; it’s all the sitting on your ass.
Indeed, this TV watching is a nasty business. It not only increases your risk of cancer and heart disease, but also diabetes, influenza, pneumonia, Parkinson’s and liver disease. If you watch 3 and a half hours of TV a day, you’re 15 percent more likely to croak from a common cause. If you watch 7 hours or more a day, you’re 47 percent more likely to die, although if you are watching 7 hours of TV a day, every day, death might offer a sweet release.
Note also that these figures remain the same, even if you remove unhealthy eating, smoking and drinking from the equation. In other words, if you’re already watching 7 hours of television a day, fuck it. You’re going to die anyway, so smoke, drink, and eat junk food all you want so you can at least get some enjoyment out of it.
Note that the study of 221,000 people was focused on older folks.
The lesson here: We’re all going to die. You may as well go out watching Deadwood.