The summer between high school and college, I worked at Office Max, dandy yellow name badge and all. It was an experience. I heard No Doubt’s Don’t Speak and Third Eye Blind’s Semi-Charmed Life at least once per hour for three straight months. Once a guy bought four executive sized office chairs, had us carry them out to the parking lot, and fully expected us to tie them all to the top of his Miata.
But by far the most surreal experience was the television in the break room. For some reason the television itself only got one channel, and any time day or night the only thing that ever seemed to be on was Montel Williams. So the entire summer I ate lunch while watching Montel Williams. That represents almost the entirety of all the daytime television I have watched in my entire life. So when I read the headline that CBS has renewed its entire daytime schedule for next season, I mostly just wonder what the hell is being broadcast during the day.
So here’s the list of all of the television shows that CBS just renewed in their daytime lineup, along with my guess as to what the show is about:
“The Bold and the Beautiful” — These adjectives are usually used in conjunction with shampoos and conditioners, so I assume that this is a show about a hair salon.
“The Talk” — I assume this is a reality show that features parents telling their children about sex.
“The Price is Right” — Barney’s dad has to make a living, yo.
“Let’s Make a Deal” — Doctor Phil convinces homeless men to fight to the death in exchange for cocaine.
“The Young and the Restless” — A documentary series about insomniac babies and their desperately sleep deprived parents.