I’m just not going to let you all forget about the Dune remake you’re trying to ignore, which is already set up with director Pierre Morel, who directed last weekend’s monstrously awful From Paris with Love. From what I understand, there was a very good script that Peter Berg was working off of when he was attached as director, but they’ve decided to scrap it, probably on account of it being decent. Studios don’t like decent movies — they like theme park rides with actors that they can convert into 3D. All of which is why some dude named Chase Palmer has been hired to inject Morel’s ideas into the existing Josh Zetumer script for Dune, and by new ideas, I mean: Little photo booths that you and your family can get your picture taken at. And don’t forget to buy the “I saw Dune and Survived” T-Shirt on the way out the door. You know Chase Palmer, of course, for his work on … nope. You have no idea who Chase Palmer is.
Elsewhere, Nikke Finke has reported the unbelievably obvious: Officially, the Spider-Man reboot will be in 3D. I hope she didn’t have to hump any farm animals for that information, because there’s someone I know that knew that information long before Finke did. His name is Captain No Shit.
In other news, Jonathan Goldstein and John Francis Daley have been hired to pen the script for the National Lampoon’s Vacation sequel. Wait. The John Francis Daley? From “Freaks and Geeks” and “Bones”?
Yep, one and the same (glimmer of hope?)
The sequel will pick up many years later — Rusty Griswold has decided to take his own family on a vacation to, where else … Wally World, vacationing there the last summer before it closes down for good. No one has been cast as Rusty yet (and Anthony Michael Hall is likely out of the question), but they’re trying to get Chevy Chase and Beverly D’Angelo back to play the grandparents. Maybe D’Angelo can end up dead on top of station wagon.
In other news, Alicia Silverstone is reunioning with her Clueless director, Amy Heckerling, for a vampire love story called Vamps. It’s a vampire romantic comedy, where Silverstone and Krysten Ritter will play New York vampires whose loves lives jeopardize their immortality. Heckerling wrote the script.
Why won’t Vamps be any good? Because Heckerling completely lost it, which is evident from her last two movies, the Jason Biggs starrer, Loser and her reunion with Paul Rudd, I Could Never Be Your Woman. Also, actor/director reunions based on great teenager movies never work, just ask Winona Ryder and her Heathers writer, Daniel Waters, who made the awfultastic Sex and Death 101 together a couple of years back.
… and finally, Variety (via FSR) is reporting that The Best Little Whorehouse in Texas is getting a remake, which will apparently include a “complete overhaul” of the original, from screenwriters Karen McCullah Lutz and Kirsten “Kiwi” Smith (Legally Blonde). My guess, however, is that this movie falls apart once they start casting for the roles popularized by Dolly Parton and Burt Reynolds and realize that those types of actors just don’t exist in Hollywood anymore.