There are two timelines I foresee unfolding in the coming weeks. In one, the upcoming ABC/Marvel joint, Marvel’s Inhumans, ends up blowing all of our minds with its awesomeness, and all of the lackluster marketing materials were released because the producers knew they had nothing to prove. The experience would speak for itself. And since it’s based on superheroes, it’s not like the public needs THAT much enticement to tune in.
In the other timeline… well, let’s just say the trailers and posters are simply indicative of the finished product. Maybe it won’t be a complete disaster, but it will certainly be pretty cheap.
We only have to wait until September 1st to find out, because that’s when the first two episodes will be screened globally in IMAX theaters for a two week period. After that, the season will air weekly on ABC starting September 29th. And if we needed any hint as to which timeline we’ll be finding ourselves in, these new character posters promote the ABC airing as our opportunity to “See The Complete Series” — which sounds pretty final, amirite?
We already know that Scott Buck, the man behind the painfully mediocre Iron Fist, is the showrunner for Inhumans. And in a recent interview, director Roel Reiné, who helmed the first two IMAX-targeted episodes (and whose previous accomplishments include The Scorpion King 3), discussed why he was hired: “I think they liked me for the job because I was able with my action movies to shoot in a very short time, or with very low budgets, action that looks like a big-budget movie,” he said. “It was not a feature film, it was a TV episode, but they still wanted to have the scope.”
With the countdown officially ticking off in increments of days at this point, these new posters should be the last ditch effort to elicit the excitement that the previous trailers and other glimpses have failed to inspire. And yet. AND YET. They… don’t? I mean, I guess I’m excited to watch, but not for the reasons Marvel and ABC may hope. I want to know if the costumes look as tacky on screen. I want to know if the characters are as bland as the fonts used for their names are. Seriously, this looks like a midterm graphic design project turned in by an over-caffeinated college sophomore, not the finished posters for a major TV/Film crossover event.
Here’s Serinda Swan as Medusa. Even in the poster they can’t make the character’s iconic tresses look like they have a life of their own.
Anson Mount’s Black Bolt, the King of the Inhumans, looks like someone just touched his butt. And selfishly I sort of hope he holds onto that expression throughout the series. Is that wrong of me?
Here’s Crystal, “The Princess” as the poster says, played by Isabelle Cornish. She looks like a Forever 21 model that just found herself in the middle of that godawful Dragonball: Evolution movie.
(it’s probably that outstretched arm pose)
Here’s Ramsay, I mean Maximus, played by Iwan Rheon. He’s pretty evil and stuff. SHOCKING.
I could come up with some punchline about hooves and green body paint, but what’s the point? That would require putting more thought into these characters than the marketing folks did. All I know is that somehow Lockjaw, the giant teleporting dog and most exciting part of this whole endeavor, didn’t get his own poster. So whatever, here’s Eme Ikwuakor as Gorgon and Mike Moh as Triton.
Oh wait, you know what? I’m digging Ken Leung as Karnak. If he’s even a fraction of the asshole he’s been in the recent comics, he should make the show interesting. Here’s hoping!
Maybe we’ll all be surprised. Maybe this show will be good. Or at least fun. Or at least entertainingly crappy. All I know is that I have to wait out Inhumans before I’ll get an an answer as to what Coulson and Co. are doing in fucking space, so it better not make the wait for Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. TOO painful.