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Twilight: Breaking Dawn — Part 2 Is to Film As Its Posters Are to Poster Art

By Courtney Enlow | Industry | July 17, 2012 |

By Courtney Enlow | Industry | July 17, 2012 |

Okay, I’m shaking my head so hard right now it might loosen and fall off, but here’s the newest batch of Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn — Part 2 posters, and they are rough. They’re your standard Twilight posters (mildly recognizable people looking like awful oily Botox monsters) but, at this point, it’s actually upsetting. The posters are just like the script — not even goddamn trying because they know they don’t need to. Their audience of panting pillow-humpers doesn’t require a decent poster, but this is laziness beyond the realm of comprehension. Like playing a game of “statue” when you have an itch on your nose, one actually needs to exert the effort to exert this little effort. I loathe everyone involved. A pox upon their houses.


This Ashley Greene person is like an even less relevant Jessica Alba, so I have no thought or care for her. But what I really want to know is why, WHY, these movies want so badly to make everyone in them look so goddamn hideous, and this chick’s hair throughout the series is a prime example of the heinousness. Jesus hairgod. Is it part of the books? Is Alice supposed to be a psychic whose powers are only as strong as her hair is stupid?


Let’s just stop this right now. Peter Facinelli is a perfectly attractive individual. Not attractive enough to think his star has risen high enough to warrant shitcanning Jennie Garth, but attractive. But the dynamic duo of inept poster designers and hair and makeup disaster team have turned him into an albino Zoolander ferret down to the beady eyes and lips of blue steel.


Maggie Grace is actually the recipient of the best poster, which is sad, because she looks like she’s so constipated that everything inside of her has fossilized.


If you’ve seen Sweet Land, you know that Elizabeth Reaser is lovely. She is not, in fact, Robert Z’Dar.


Bon Iver, I love your work.


I don’t know who this is, but I think I’ve figured out where her storyline goes.


Nope. No. I can’t anymore. By the way, this is Cael from “The Riches” and not a demonic vent figure. He should sue everyone.

(Source: The Berry)

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