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Translating Mark Hamill's Diplomatic Statements About Star Wars VII Into Something Resembling the Truth

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | May 7, 2013 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | May 7, 2013 |

In an interview this week discussing his involvement with Star Wars VII, Mark Hamill — who played Luke Skywalker in the original Star Wars trilogy — said that he has not yet had any meeting with Kathleen Kennedy and Stephen Spielberg, the producers behind J.J. Abrams next Star Wars installment, due out in 2015. He did, however, share some thoughts about another Star Wars film, his involvement, and the talent behind the next series.

I have taken the liberty of translating his quotes into something that better approximates the truth.

“Part of me is cautious, saying ‘let well enough alone, let everyone keep their nice memories if they have nice memories and don’t try to go back and do it again.’ But the other side of me, the adventurous side, thinks, ‘if everyone’s in, how could I miss this?’”

Translation: I don’t have high hopes, and not even J.J. Abrams is likely to duplicate the magic of the original trilogy, but then again, if Harrison Ford and Carrie Fisher have already signed on to the ruination of their characters, I may as well cash a check, too.”

“I want it to be age appropriate, so heavy on the Jedi mind tricks and lighten up on the lightsaber duels,” he continues. “Let the kids do the heavy lifting.”

Translation: Don’t Christopher Nolan this beast, otherwise you’ll alienate the under-13 crowd, and that means a smaller paycheck, which means fewer hoagies.”

“There’s nothing wrong with CGI, but I think you have to have a balance because the camera perceives the width and the depth and the weight of a miniature or a model.”

CGI blows, and represents everything that is wrong with the prequels.

“It always starts with the script,” says Hamill, “and that’s why I’m so encouraged by Michael Arndt’s involvement because I respect his writing so much. He’s a big fan of these movies, so hopefully we can make something that doesn’t make everyone want to find us, cut off our heads and throw it right in our faces.”

Oh, thank God George Lucas is being kept as far away as possible for screenwriting duties. I barely know who Michael Arndt is but the fact that he’s not George Lucas is the best thing to ever happen to Star Wars VII.

Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.

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