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You Don't Know What You Got Til' It's Gone

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | June 3, 2009 |

By Dustin Rowles | Industry | June 3, 2009 |

We mentioned that there was a Total Recall remake in the works, right? Ah yes, here it is. Daniel wrote a few months ago: “There’s no denying Total Recall’s place in the pantheon of early-1990s sci-fi/action movies, from the vintage supporting cast (Michael Ironside! Ronny Cox!) to the awesomely pre-CGI effects of people’s heads splitting open, Arnold yanking stuff out of his skull, and a three-breasted hooker that left her mark on young boys nationwide. But because Hollywood is so out of ideas they’re remaking stuff that was kind of OK in the first place, Columbia has turned to Neal Moritz and his Original Films to churn out a new version of the movie.”

Ha ha ha! Original films. Remaking Total Recall. Oh, Alanis and I will have a great laugh over that over drinks tonight.

Anyway, now that the wound is all scabbed over, let’s rip the damn thing off by not just reminding you that there’s a remake in the works, but that now there’s even a scriptwriter. Kurt Wimmer is his name. Wimmer has quite a few movies on his resume. Some good (The Thomas Crown Affair), some bad (Ultraviolet), and some mediocre (Street Kings). But talent isn’t really a big deal in Hollywood. Once you get your foot in the door, they’ll let you write anything, particularly if you’ve recently written a high-profile movie starring Angelina Jolie that no one has even seen yet (Salt).

You know what we’re discovering here, right? Particularly after T4? That Schwarzenegger — bad actor he may be — was a pretty impressive presence onscreen. There was some unidentifiable quality about Arnie that made his movies work, despite their scripts. And I think, sadly, that as his movies continue to be remade, that we’re going to realize that even more. The upcoming Conan the Barbarian remake, the Total Recall remake, the Predator remake, and inevitably, The True Lies and Commando remakes are all probably going to show that those movies worked because of Schwarzenegger. I never really appreciated him before, but damnit: These movies just won’t be the same without him.

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Dustin is the founder and co-owner of Pajiba. You may email him here, follow him on Twitter, or listen to his weekly TV podcast, Podjiba.