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Tom Cruise May Ruin What Could Have Been Our New Favorite Musical

By Kristy Puchko | Industry | July 28, 2015 |

By Kristy Puchko | Industry | July 28, 2015 |

I just don’t know guys.

If we need to do teams about it, #TeamTomCruise4Eva vs. #TeamEnoughAlready, I’d be on the sidelines. Those Scientology stories make me cringe. But he was so much fun in Edge of Tomorrow, and did you guys see he hangs off the side of a plane in Mission: Impossible - Rogue Nation!? Dude is a movie star who really gives a shit about thrilling his audience, unlike some I might name. But as someone who saw his ill-conceived musical Rock of Ages, I realize this drive sometimes leads to disaster. Which is to say, guys, I don’t know if I want Cruise to sign on to the comedy Bob The Musical.

Its quirky plot centers on a man whose head trauma changes the world around him into one non-stop musical, where people belt out their “inner song.” So, like that episode of Scrubs. Fun! Even better, Variety reports the long in-development musical is getting new life with Disney bringing on Michael Chabon and Bret McKenzie to write it. This means the novelist behind Wonder Boys and The Adventures of Kavalier and Clay on script, and songs by the Flight of Conchords member who won an Oscar for this little gem:

And to keep this musical comedy whimsical, Disney has attached The Artist helmer Michel Hazanavicius to direct, which has this reporter all like*:


But The Wrap reports Cruise is “circling” Bob The Musical with his eye on the title role. And yeah, Cruise killed it lipsyncing with Fallon, but this:

No thank you.

Bob The Musical doesn’t sound like a sloppy excuse to swagger. Instead, it sounds like the kind of comedy Jim Carrey would have put out fifteen years back. And does that make sense for Tom Cruise? I just don’t know. When it comes to his comedy chops, people love to roll out his weird supporting role in Tropic Thunder as the bombastic and abusive Les Grossman.

Fine. But a big part of the fun of this schtick is watching Cruise go crude. He’s never done a PG comedy. With Disney making Bob The Musical, expect it to be family-friendly. They did hire the Muppet’s modern music man after all. Can Cruise get “Man or Muppet” level loony? I’m just not convinced that Cruise’s filmography—as storied and impressive as it is—suggests he’s right for this role. And if you think his bankability means he’s guaranteed any role he wants, remember that Edge of Tomorrow had to fight and scrap to get in the black.

Mission: Impossible - More Imposssibleness will likely determine Cruise’s bargaining position with Disney. And from the sidelines, I’ll be sweating it out.

*Kristy Puchko recognizes there’s backlash over The Artist. But you’re wrong. It’s wonderful.

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Kristy Puchko is the film editor of Pajiba. You can follow her on Twitter.