The second biggest grossing movie of all time will return to theaters on April 6, 2012, smack dab in between the two upcoming Raptures. It needs $21 million to surpass The 10 Commandments for the fifth most popular film of all time (adjusted for inflation), and how best to guarantee that? 3D, of course. It’s the cool new wave in exploitative re-packaging, following in the footsteps of previous announcements that Star Wars and the previous Harry Potter films. Potentially the Indiana Jones and Pixar films may, too, get 3D re-releases.
And really: What’s more enticing than compounding a dull, three-hour movie with a darker screen and the headache that always accompanies wearing 3D glasses? And those post-production conversions always look so swell, don’t they Cameron?
The silver lining, other than potentially being able to drop-off your teenage daughters for three-hour child-free siestas, is that we will finally be able to see DiCaprio drown in a glorious 3D, which has always been a fantasy of mine. You know what else I’d love to see in 3D, for reals? Daniel Stern get hit by a car in Very Bad Things. In fact, someone should just covert all of our favorite death scenes into an extended, 90 minute 3D murder-extravaganza. Nominees?
… cold. Cold. It’s so cold.