It’s been the summer of superheroes. Captain American with his red, white and blue shield and his genetically modified ab structure arrives this weekend, that fly-boy Green Lantern has come and gone, those pretty boys of the X-Men are rough and tumbling in your fantasies, and even Thor, with all his pectoral muscles, was kind of a softie.
You know who’s not a softie? Conan the Barbarian slash Conan the motherf*cking Destroyer. He doesn’t need a shield or a hammer or a goddamn green ring. He has bare hands, bare hands that can rip off your f*cking heads, and teeth which he will use to severe the tendons in your legs. Conan does not take your shit. Conan will lay waste to your shit. He will crumple your shield, shove that green ring up your ass, and build a cottage made of human remains with that hammer.
Don’t believe me? Check out this clip from the movie, set to be released in August. The opening minute left me a little hesitant, with Ron Perlman all gee willickers and that swell-y holiday score, but by the end of this clip, trust me, you will be sold. You will forsake all your piddly-ass superheroes and bow to the raw primal bone-ripping power of Conan. Blood will be spilled.