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Time for What the F*&k Wednesday Movie News!

By Jodi Smith | Industry | August 30, 2017 |

By Jodi Smith | Industry | August 30, 2017 |

Maleficent 2 is a thing that is being done?

I don’t think I ever fully watched the first one, because I decided to watch paint dry. Remind me, is this the live-action movie that spawned a million Disney franchise do-overs? The script for Maleficent 2 is being re-written by Jez Butterworth, which is a 100% real name. Butterworth also wrote Edge of Tomorrow and Spectre, so ehhhhhh.

Winnie the Pooh Live Action Movie—WHY?

LOOK WHAT MALEFICENT HATH WROUGHT! Piglet will be played by Nick Mohammed (The Martian). He joins OG Winnie the Pooh performer Jim Cummings, Ewan McGregor as Adult Christopher Robin, Hayley Atwell as Wife of Christopher Robin, Alan Tudyk as Tigger, and Brad Garrett as Eeyore.

No thanks. Really. I couldn’t watch a frame.

Top Gun 2 is a thing??

Yet another re-write is happening on the long-rumored Top Gun 2 script. That’s a good sign, right? Eric Warren Singer (American Hustle) is the newest scribe to attempt to make this ship sail, though it is long gone and some other ship metaphor thing goes here.

The actual title as of now is Top Gun: Maverick and yes, Tom “I DO ALL MY OWN ST—OW SHIT” Cruise is reprising his role.

Am I going to watch a Vince Vaughn movie on purpose again??

This one is called Brawl in Cell Block 99 and I cannot quite tell what the plot is, because it is a teaser. I’m confused about the guard asking a plump-looking Vaughn about his muscles and what that poor car did to deserve being torn apart like True Detective Season 2.

Two dudes are making a female version Lord of the Flies

That seems like something that should maybe be handled by women so we don’t get weird masturbatory, male gaze on top of a story about kids turning savage when left to their own devices, yeah? I just—SIGH.

Scott McGehee and David Siegel (What Maisie Knew) are directing the twist (that isn’t so much a twist anymore, please give us good original female characters instead of taking well-written male characters and just swapping the gender, oh my god seriously please) take on the 1954 William Golding novel. I remember watching the version with a young Balthazar Getty, before he was a cheating ass.

They aren’t serious with this Joker movie, right??

“It’s dark. It’s like a dark Joker. As a kid, he had a permanent smile and everyone made fun of him. It’s like on the streets of Brooklyn. It’s super dark and real.” - VIA

It sounds like Taylor Swift pitching her Minute Maid brand of being “dark and real”, but it is Brendan Schaub. Who is that? MMA fighter-turned-actor who is also friends with the agent of Todd Phillips (probably directing the turd). So it’s like, The Joker can’t come to the phone right now, ‘cause he’s DEAD.

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Jodi Smith is a Senior Reporter, Film & Television at Pajiba. You can email her or follow her on Twitter.