This Is Why Hollywood Deserves To Be Devoured By Rabid Lampreys: Tom Cruise Confirmed For One Shot
The thing is, crazy Xenu-worshipping and robot-bride aside, I actually like Tom Cruise. And yet for me, this will go down as one of the worst casting decisions ever.
We talked a few weeks ago about how Tom Cruise was, bizarrely, circling the adaptation of Lee Child’s novel, One Shot. And now it’s confirmed that Cruise will play the part of Jack Reacher, the hardnosed, grizzled, utterly badass ex-military policeman who shiftlessly wanders the country, getting into adventures and beating the ever-living fuck out of everyone who gets in his way.
Reacher, by the way, is listed in the novels as 6’5” and 250 pounds.
And we’ve got Tom fucking Cruise playing the part. It’s not that I have a problem seeing Tom Cruise in an action movie — I like 2/3 of the Mission: Impossible movies enough to enjoy him when he’s cast properly. He’s great in Minority Report, too. He’s just so utterly, unbelievably wrong for this film it’s fucking mindboggling.
This is one of those instances where we truly see what a mentally deficient, brain-raping baby Huey that Hollywood is. Producers don’t give a fuck about source material, they don’t give a fuck about readers, they don’t give a fuck, period. They’ll just take something and adapt it because it’s popular, but then they’ll promptly soak the book in kerosene, set it on fire, and force it down the throat of a random hobo. Whatever that hobo shits out? That’s what we’re getting. This is like the botched adaptation of The Dresden Files on a multimillion dollar scale.
The truth is, this may well be a good movie. It’s directed by Christopher McQuarrie, and that’s good, I suppose. But no matter what happens, this will never be a good movie about Jack Reacher, because the size and physical presence of Reacher is so integral to the character. It makes you ask - just make a different goddamn movie and have Cruise star in it. Because I assume they’re making One Shot because they want to capitalize on the books’ popularity. But if that’s the case, why cast midget-boy? People who know the books are going to be baffled. I sure as hell am. Not to mention en-fucking-raged.
In short, to quote Public Enemy, “fuck Hollywood, man.”