The Dark Tower, the long-awaited adaptation/sequel to Stephen King sprawling books series, will finally be released on August 4th. That means, by my calculations, that I have a little over a month until my life will be irrevocably altered. See, I believe that there are moments in life that clearly demarcate a “before” and an “after.” Losing your virginity, having a child, seeing Idris Elba play the Gunslinger - these are points of fundamental change. There is the person you were before it happened, and the person you are afterward. There is no going back.
I’m ready to pop my Idris Elba-as-the-Gunslinger cherry, is what I’m saying. I’VE BEEN READY FOR YEARS. Even if his Gunslinger accent is weirdly gravelly and distracting.
So anyway, while we patiently watch the clock and wile away our days pretending to give a shit about other movies, or television, or our jobs, Sony Pictures is busy spooning out pretty dollops of new Dark Tower marketing material as though it will somehow fill the aching holes inside of us. Which it won’t. But we’ll watch it anyway.
This latest video, released yesterday, features interview footage of Elba and King discussing the character of Roland Deschain and Matthew McConaughey explaining his villain, the Man in Black. The actual movie footage is all shots you’ll probably recognize from the recent trailers, but that’s ok. We’ve been patient this long. What’s a little while long?
It’s fine. Everything is fine. I’m not crying.
Check it out below: