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The Universe Hates You: Grab Bag Edition

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | August 29, 2012 |

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | August 29, 2012 |

When I put on my trade-news-writing helmet (it has horns and goggles, y’all), I typically open a half dozen different trade news sites and putz around until I find something that either makes me happy enough to write about, or angry enough to write about. This morning found three paroxysm inducing bits all in a row, one after another, on the top of SlashFilm.

And so, the only good news you’re getting this morning is your coffee. And if the trade news is any indication, a pigeon with necrotic bowels probably landed a depth charge in the cup while your back was turned.

Warner Brothers isn’t even letting The Dark Knight Rises catch its breath before starting the rumor mill churning about a reboot of Batman. While Warner has not quite decided on an actual release date for the next entry in the franchise, they have made it clear that in light of The Avengers making more money than anyone except Cameron ever has, they are releasing a Justice League film and they are doing it as fast as they possibly can. The release schedule is looking like this: Zack Snyder’s Man of Steel, followed shortly thereafter by The Justice League (which will introduce the new Batman), and then followed by a new Batman film. Because Man of Steel already has a release date of next summer, my rumor-generating senses are guessing that Justice League will be summer 2014, followed by a new Batman film in 2015.

Come on Warner, at least let us smoke a post-Nolan cigarette before you hustle another director in the door.

(source: SlashFilm)

Second, there is a Lego movie.

I’ll just let that sink in for a moment.

Here’s the plot summary from SlashFilm:

LEGO follows Emmet, an ordinary, rules-following, perfectly average LEGO minifigure who is mistakenly identified as the most extraordinary person and the key to saving the world. He is drafted into a fellowship of strangers on an epic quest to stop an evil tyrant, a journey for which Emmet is hopelessly and hilariously underprepared.

Yes, there is a Lego film. And it is using up part of the lives of Will Arnett, Elizabeth Banks, Chris Pratt and Morgan Freeman.

I’m just going to leave the idea of this film’s existence for you to ponder, sans comment.

(source: SlashFilm)

Finally, Eddie Murphy is shopping around a Beverly Hills Cop television series with Shawn Ryan (creator of “The Shield”). Murphy will guest star occasionally as the chief of police and father of the protagonist. Because nothing says raunchy ’80s R-rated comedy like network television.

No word yet on whether Gerald Ford will make a guest appearance.

(source: SlashFilm)

That coffee does taste a little grainy, doesn’t it?

Steven Lloyd Wilson is the sci-fi and history editor. You can email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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