Haven’t you always thought to yourself that great literature might be okay, but that what it really needs is a good dose of tits and ass? Thankfully, publisher Clandestine Classics is using the wonders of expired copyrights and dropping publication costs in order to do just that.
Says the publisher:
“The old-fashioned pleasantries and timidity have all been stripped away, quite literally. You didn’t really think that these much-loved characters only held hands and pecked cheeks, did you? Come with us as we embark on a breathtaking experience — behind the closed bedroom doors of our favorite, most-beloved British characters. Learn what Sherlock really thought of Watson, what Mr. Darcy really wanted to do to Miss Elizabeth Bennet, and unveil the sexy escapades of Mr. Rochester and Jane Eyre. We’ll show you the scenes that you always wanted to see but were never allowed.”
I’m all for reinterpretations of old stories, of telling them again and again as they take new meaning for every generation. Hell, I even dig the Pride and Prejudice and Zombies approach as adding a twist to an existing story by inserting new content between the scenes of the old. But the fundamental difference there is that even the latter effort adds something new. It actually creates new meaning.
You want to write a version of Sherlock in which he and Watson screw? Go for it. But if you’re too lazy to bother actually writing any of this, and just want to fantasize about two characters bumping nasties, then blithering amateurish new words between scenes of great literature is hardly more than photoshopping an actor’s face into naked pictures.
This creates nothing; it is merely graffiti on the Mona Lisa.