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"The Transporter" Television Series Updates

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | May 23, 2011 |

By Steven Lloyd Wilson | Industry | May 23, 2011 |

So if “burying the lede” means hiding the most interesting and important news later in the article, what is it called when the writer puts false but interesting news up front in order to make the article far more interesting than it actually is? “Blowing the lede?” “Lying?” Oh, now were getting judgmental, huh?

Anyway, the Statham has nothing to do with the television series version of the “The Transporter,” but I thought it criminal to not give you kind readers some shirtless Statham to start the week. But there is huge news for the series! They’ve got their (not) Statham: Chris Vance, who has had roles on “Prison Break” and “Burn Notice” but might be most recognizable for his role as Cole on “Dexter.” Here he is:


But he’s not even bald!

And here is Andrea Osvart, who plays his handler “an extremely crafty former CIA operative who organizes his missions, acts as his eyes and ears on the outside, and continually stokes the flames of their unrequited attraction.”

Handler? The Transporter needs no handler. Unrequited? The Transporter doesn’t know the meaning of that word, because any man or woman who meets him is inherently requited. It’s very clear that the makers of this television series are following the playbook for how to destroy a story step by cliched step. They’ve already added a completely unnecessary romantic plot, so I assume that we’re only days from the announcement of a comic relief sidekick played by a minority in as offensive a stereotype as can be managed on short notice.

Steven Lloyd Wilson is the sci-fi and history editor. You can email him here or follow him on Twitter.

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