There has been talk about “The Stand” getting either a serious film or miniseries adaptation pretty much since the corpse of that abomination back in the mid-nineties cooled off. But there has been a definite intensification of rumors over the last few months, which leads me to believe that while there may or may not actually be any chance of one happening, it’s something that we like to talk about.
My inside sources, which I can’t identify on account of the fact that they only exist in my head, confirm that one can classify the rumors into good, bad, and ugly.
First, the good. We heard a few weeks ago that Matthew McConaughey was in talks to play Randall Flagg, which is everything wonderful in the universe. He’s got that insane but charismatic force of personality that would just bring Flagg to life.
Next, the ugly, which is the ugly truth that no matter how terrible an adaptation, it can’t possibly be worse than Molly Ringwald as Fran, Gary Sinese as Stu, and fucking Jamey Sheridan as Flagg.
THIS IS NOT THE WALKING DUDE WHOSE SUBTLE MANIPULATIONS COLLAPSE EMPIRES. THIS IS JUST THE CREEPY GUY WHO WORKS AT ORANGE JULIUS, LEERING AT THE HIGH SCHOOL GIRLS AND ASKING IF THEY WANT TO SEE HIS VAN.
Oh, that’s not even the bad. Here’s the bad, from Devin Faraci of Bassass Digest who got to read the version of the script that was in play last year:
In this version, from last year, the good guy survivors from Boulder get together in an army and march on Las Vegas to kill Randall Flagg. Flagg’s headquarters is, of course, the Luxor Pyramid. The Boulderites invade the city while, off to the east, a squad fights at the Boulder Dam - which Trashcan Man explodes, killing Larry Underwood and sending a deadly flood to Vegas. In the city Flagg squares off against hero Stu Redman… who now has the power of God, and they have an Akira-like battle on the Las Vegas Strip, with Flagg trying to take Stu’s magic. Cars are thrown, Excalbur’s turrets are tossed, the people of Vegas are used by Flagg as disposable cannon-fodder. Meanwhile Nick Andros sacrifices his life taking out a howitzer. The Boulder forces, while armed, try to only take prisoners and rescue people from being under Flagg’s evil spell. It all comes down to Flagg and Stu, and whether or not Stu will absorb Flagg’s evil magic.
And there’s a mid-credits tag that sets up a sequel. Yes, a The Stand 2.
Disposable executives of the world be warned: nerds built the atomic bomb. We can turn you and yours into ash.