Casting news for Steven Soderbergh’s male stripper project has been pouring out over the internets like scented oil on a well-toned abdomen. Actually, truth be told, I know nothing of male strippers. Is their body oil scented? I guess I’ll find out when I see Magic Mike because oh hell yes I’m seeing Magic Mike. No, not for the eye candy. (Full rounded breasts on men just ain’t my thing.) But because this film is either going to be great (Soderbergh! sex, lies and videotape!), or really, truly delectably awful. (A male Showgirls/Burlesque/Coyote Ugly? YES PLEASE!)
You know, forgive me my shapely assumptions, but I’m leaning towards “awful” given that the film is based on lead actor and (horror of horrors) co-writer Channing Tatum’s real life experience as a 19-year-old stripper and tells “a story of friendship set in the world of male strippers.” Sure, say it again with a straight face. I dare you. I could be wrong. It could be hard-hitting, intelligent and enthralling. Soderbergh said, “When Channing talked to me about this, I thought it was one of the best ideas I’d ever heard for a movie. I said I wanted in immediately. It’s sexy, funny and shocking. We’re using Saturday Night Fever as our model, so hopefully we’re on the right track.” Oh, also, I heard there’s going to be full-frontal nudity. You know, for the kids!
I will say this for Soderbergh, he is doing a bang up job with the casting. Each time I hear a bit of casting news I start nodding my head furiously and cry “Yes! Yes! That person would totally be at home on the pole!” Like I said, I know nothing of male strippers. But, seriously, take a look at the cast so far and tell me Steve’s wrong.
Charming Potato: You know him from those dance movies, that gay Centurion movie and the produce section of your local market.
Alex Pettyfer: I don’t know where this kid came from, but he’s been leaden and uninteresting in everything he’s done and an absolute pr*ck in interviews. Perfection!
Matt Bomer: You know him from, ummm, that one show on USA. No, not the spy show. No not the other spy show. No not the doctor one. Neither of the legal ones, nooo. Seriously, I can’t tell them apart. Anyway, he’s a beautiful, beautiful man.
Joe Manganiello: You know him from boring me with his plot line on “True Blood.” Manganiello will be playing a character called “Big Dick Richie.” Right?! This movie is going to be the best.
Demi Moore: For a lady, she’s rather square-jawed and greasy ab’d. Well done, Steve.
Cody Horn: Who? The daughter of Warner Bros. President Alan Horn, that’s who! No potentially terrible film would be complete without some solid nepotism casting.
McConaughey: ALRIGHT ALRIGHT! I couldn’t be more delighted.
I choose to believe that last bit of casting is a direct result of this video.
Are you on board yet? Are you sold? Is this not going to be the cinematic event of the year? A bang up way for Soderberg to retire? In case he needs help casting the rest of the film, I did a Google Image Search for “greasy abs.” Here you go, Steve. Don’t say I never gave you anything.
Joanna Robinson just read that the strip club will be called “Xquisite.” Opening day, you guys. She’s there.