Remember how, when you were a kid, Frosty The Snowman seemed like such a cute song, even though he talks about having fun before he melts away? And then you stop and think about it and yeah — it’s pretty fucked up and depressing that this jolly character is just gonna die.
Anyway, Michael Fassbender’s new movie The Snowman also involves death and sounds pretty fucked up — but it’s definitely not for kids.
This crime thriller is based on Jo Nesbø’s global bestselling novel, and is directed by Tomas Alfredson (Let the Right One In, Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy). Fassbender is joined by a pretty stellar cast including Rebecca Ferguson, J.K. Simmons, Charlotte Gainsbourg, and Val Kilmer. The plot brings a new meaning to the phrase “cold case,” as a pair of detectives try to outwit a serial killer by connecting decades-old murder cases to a brutal new attack. Oh, also, the villain calls himself “The Snowman Killer” and, duh, he’s really into snow: snowmen, snow falling, snow everything. In the trailer, at different times, it looks like you see a snowman with a human head AND a body with a snowman head.
Shit is FUCKED… but let’s be honest: “The Snowman Killer” is a terrible name. That isn’t to say that he doesn’t do a good job of making snowmen seem scary (he does, he SO does), but he has to work at it. Why not just pick a scary theme from the start? In a world of cobras and scorpions and spiders the size of dinner plates, who would choose three snowballs piled on top of one another as an alias?
At least the killer got to choose his ridiculous name though. Guess what Fassbender’s character is named?
Yeah, that name makes me snicker like a schoolboy and I’m not ashamed to admit it.
I’d just like you all to appreciate that I made it through this entire piece without cracking a single “Winter Is Coming” joke.