Of all the recent reboots and remakes and sequels, the new Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2 is the one that makes my brain hurt the most. I’ve come to terms with and (mostly) let go of my general outrage at the new reboot trend, as I think many of us have. Yes, it’s maddening when our childhood memories get stomped on, but in the grand scheme of things, we can watch them or skip them and it won’t change our lives either way. Yes, they may be terrible but as a kid, I watched Vanilla Ice rap about a bunch of turtles so many times I broke that VHS, so I’ve given up trying to control which lawns today’s youths play on.
What confuses me about this particular sequel is that with every bit of casting news that comes out, it actually increases my desire to see it. (Increases that desire from negative everything to almost existent.) I’d gotten used to my acceptance of the movie as something that exists in the world, but I am not prepared to have any actual interest in it. This feeling is strange and brings up a whole range of self-loathing. But they cannot cast Stephen Amell and Laura Freaking Linney without getting our attention. Two of any 90s kid’s favorite characters, Bebop and Rocksteady, will be included. And now they’ve finally hit peak nostalgia.
A few days ago, Judith Hoag— the original April O’Neil— began dropping some intriguing pizza-centric hints on Twitter.
Wardrobe fitting yesterday. Total déjà vu. Met a couple of sweet guys… three out of four…— Judith Hoag (@Heyjude629) May 9, 2015
And while she wouldn’t say anything more—
I can neither deny or confirm these wild allegations!— Judith Hoag (@Heyjude629) May 9, 2015
—She didn’t need to.
Alright, fine, Ninja Turtles 2. I’m officially interested in your movie now. I hope you’re happy. Because I still can’t imagine you’ll be any good.