The Mother of All Bad Acting Performances
Holy Mother of Baby Satan! A few weeks back, I had the unfortunate experience of having to suffer through Street Fighter: The Legend of Chun Li. Terrible movie, although it featured one of the best — if not the best — series of ham-stealing scenes in all of cinema. As I wrote in my review:
“I sorely underestimated the comic-potential of Chris Klein. Oh my fucking God, people. He is a comedic tour de force. He plays Charlie Nash, a Bangkok cop (there is no explanation as to why he lives in Bangkok). He’s got terrible face scruff, wispy hair, and puts up the most amusing Clint Eastwood front I’ve ever witnessed on film. He flares his nostrils angrily. He squints menacingly. He looks at a female cop’s ass and delivers this line with such delicious, leery, hard-boiled earnestness: “I love this job.” He rolls around on the ground and shoots his wee little pistol with conviction. He ends every imperative with, “CHARLIE NASH. OUT!” He is the most hilariously awful badass I’ve seen since the New Kids morphed into NKOTB and rolled out “Dirty Dawg”: ‘Why you gotta act like a tramp —HOO — A wet food stamp.” If you could extract Klein’s scenes and string them together into one film, Judd Apatow would fall to his knees in envy. He would cry because he could never duplicate it. It is impossible to create hilarity of that level intentionally. It has to be organically atrocious. Chris Klein is now my unintentional comedy god.”
Someone clearly agreed with me, and has done us all the favor of compiling all of Chris Klein’s scenes into a short, compact 10 minute YouTube clip of Glorious Cheese. This shit is Ricotta, folks. Pay special attention to the flared nostrils at the 2:30 mark, and the Walkie-Talkie greatness starting at the 8:50 mark. It is beautiful, and it will no doubt be pulled from YouTube in no time. Get it while you can. NASH OUT.
(Hat Tip to Mick J., you glorious bastard, for sending me the clip).